Silly Short Stories
by NowakiStar
Summary: Just random little short stories. Just click and find out! T just to be safe All pairings, even a few cracked ones.
1. Twelve Steps To Unhappiness

Well, all blame for this story goes to my best friend Roxy. (The same one I have to thank for almost each of my parodies) We were talking about how we're "addicted" to yaoi. And she said something about how we needed a "Support Group" with other fangirls. Which made me think of having a "12 step program." Which led to: What would happen if a gay guy accidently came to one?

And so, I give you my first little silly story:

Twelve Steps to Unhappiness

Warning: some fan-girl cracks. I'm one too, but hey sometimes we're just crazy. And a crack-pairing just for fun.

-/-

"Do you _constantly_ dream about guy x guy relationships? Do the words _"tight"_ and _"release"_ make you **giggle** and/or **hot?** Have you started_ considering _things you'd always labeled _"nasty"_ just because it looked _**sexy**_ in the last _**yaoi**_ _**anime**_ you watched? The group _**can**_ _**help**_."

Shinobu did a double take at the poster. So, there were others like him? He smiled and quickly wrote the number onto his palm.

That afternoon, he dialed the number for the "rainbow hotline." His call, however, was picked up by the answering machine, which fortunately told him when the "Yaoi Support Group" met at the local community center. He hung up and quickly began cooking for Miyagi, whom he decided not to mention the program too. The old man wouldn't understand. And he'd just get paranoid about it anyway.

Miyagi didn't need to know.

-/-

A week later, Shinobu got his chance. Miyagi had a meeting at the same time the group would be at the community center.

Shinobu went up the front steps, although he noticed several women entering through a back door. _They must have other programs going on today,_ he thought. Then he opened the door to a room full of them.

In the front, a teenage girl was waiting for everyone to settle down. Shinobu would have walked out then but he saw another guy standing in the back. His eyes locked with the bright green ones, and the other boy blushed and turned away.

"Okay, everyone! Let's begin!"

Everyone instantly got quiet.

"Now, we all know why we're here." She started, "It's because we're addicts. And in order to recover…"

"Why should we want to recover? I like watch yaoi. It makes me happy." One girl said, standing up. There were words of agreement everywhere.

"Excuse me, how many boyfriends have you had?" the girl on stage asked. *

The girl blushed and sat down.

"Exactly, now as I saying: In order to recover we must first admit that we have a problem. I'll go first: Hello, my name is Raya, and I'm addicted to watching yaoi."

"Hello, Raya," the group chorused.

"I started reading BL at twelve years old when I read an amazing book called 'The Rainbow Boys.' But I'm proud to say, I've been yaoi-free for three days now." *

After this they went down the rows and everyone introduced themselves. Shinobu was starting to get the picture: this was a group of Fan-Girls. And this might get ugly…

Then something interesting happened:

"Um… Hello, I'm Takahashi Misaki," the boy from before said, nervously looking down, "But um, there must be a mistake. You see, I don't actually like yaoi. I just come here hoping to find a way to get my boy… ah, I mean Usagi-san to stop writing it."

"Aw, he's adorable." One fan-girl said.

"…Such a uke…"

"I wanna eat him."

"Wait? Usagi-san? Does Sailor-Moon like yaoi too?" *

"Misaki-kun," Raya said, silencing everyone, "As I said earlier, we must first admit we have a problem in order to over come it."

"But I don't have a problem. You have a problem. He," Misaki pointed over at Shinobu, "probably has a problem. But _I_ don't have a problem."

"Misaki-kun," Raya started but the damage was already done.

"Look, there's two of 'em!"

"OMG, they'd make such a cute pairing."

"Strip them!"

"Hey, Blondie, do you seme?"

"Nah, he looks like a uke too."

"Put them together anyway! It doesn't matter!"

"Get the shortie to do it!"

"Yeah, that'd be sexy!"

"Come on, it's fan-service! Kiss, kiss, kiss!"

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" the whole group took up and the two poor boys were shoved together.

"Let's just do it and get it over with." Shinobu whispered, slightly blushing.

Misaki nodded once and quickly leant forward.

As soon as their lips touched, the whole room cheered. For the boys, it wasn't that great. But it wasn't as bad as they'd thought it'd be.

After the meeting, Shinobu vowed to never take a number from the bulletin board again. And Misaki decided not to seek out help for the author again. He doubted any of it would ever work anyway.

But before leaving, Shinobu forced Misaki to give him his number.

"Just in case. You never know when you'll need to talk to another uke."

"Ah, I don't really think Usagi-san would like this…" Misaki started to protest.

"I didn't mean it like that… I meant, we both came here for a reason. And I doubt either of us found it while we were being assaulted. So text me sometime. I left my number in your phone."

"Oh… Okay, yeah." Misaki said happily.

"And maybe sometime, you could give me some tips for…" he stopped, seeing his new friend's shocked face. "Well, I'll see ya!"

And with that, the two parted.

-/-

**Well, tell me what you thought! The next random short story will be titled: The Yaoi Temple. Stay tuned. lol**

***Sorry, fan-girl stereotype.**

***This is actually my reality. (Except I've been yaoi free for like, three-minutes. Lol)**

***I don't actually know anything about Sailor moon… But I think the main character is Usagi…**


	2. The Yaoi Temple

_Well, here is story number two. This lovely story came from something I read on one of the Junjou Romantica boards. Someone had written, "Where did Miyagi learn to do gay sex?" I think it was a joke but people were really flaming it so I just jokingly wrote that before hand he'd done it with Haruhiko. _

_This is the real Story of how Miyagi learned._

**Smut Warnings!**

**The Yaoi Temple.**

-/-

Miyagi glanced around, just to be sure no one was watching him as he made his way into the small temple. It wasn't as if he was a stranger to sex… This just wasn't something he could fathom doing. It was… strange and unknown to him. He was going to need help. Serious help.

He quickly entered the building, hoping no one saw.

"Hey, looks like we got a live one!" a purple haired girl in a maid's outfit called to her fellow fan-girls.

"Yeah, um… I needed some help and couldn't think of anyone else to go to." He said, wishing badly for a cigarette.

"Who better to help?" a cute blonde said, making her way over, "So, what's your _pleasure?"_

"Um… What do you mean?" he asked.

"Yeah, don't tease him, Raya!" said the one with purple hair.

Raya gave her a nasty look and she quickly skipped away. "Seme or Uke?" she asked him.

"Yoke? Like in an egg?"

Raya sighed, "Top or bottom?"

"I don't know. That's one the reasons I'm here."

The girls looked at each other in slight shock.

"Well, the thing is, I'm not gay… But there's this kid, and he just drives me crazy."

"Aw," the girls chorused.

"Take him to the High Priestess. Aikawa will know what to do." Raya said, with a tear in her eye.

So, Miyagi was taking into the Alter room. A lone redhead women was sitting cross-legged in front of the alter. In the center sat a laptop, surrounding it were many rather descriptive drawings. Although a few were just guys cuddling…A few.

Behind her was a huge statue of three men. One was on his hands and knees, sucking off a younger man who looked shocked by this. Behind him, an older male was thrusting into him. A small sign read: Yaoi past, present and future.

A few feet away, there was another statue. It was a teenage girl. Blood was painted flowing from her nose.

"Priestess Aikawa?" one fan-girl said, "Someone's here to see you."

The redhead looked up, and smiled at them, "Yes, my child?" *

"I… Um…"

"Pay no mind to the statue."

"Uh, sorry. Well, you see, I have a problem. I don't really understand…Um, how sex between two guys works. I don't even know if I'm an egg yoke or a… centi-thing. And I really don't even know if I can do that," he pointed up at the statue.

"You have problems, my child. The temple will help. But first, you must give a sacrifice to the great Goddess of yaoi, Nakamura Shungiku." *

"I was made by her, I'm one of her many muses. I don't think I owe her anything more."

"True." She beckoned him forward. Miyagi took a seat in front of her and after a few clicks; she turned the laptop toward him. "This," she said, pointing at the purple screen, "Is SemeUke (dot) com. It holds the answers you seek. All you need to do is take a simple personality quiz." *

After taking the crazy test, Miyagi learned that he was a Seme. And according to Aikawa this meant he was on top.

"But I don't even know what I'd do in that… type of scenario."

"Girls?" she called, and several fangirls appeared, "Take him to the back room and show him the good stuff!"

Miyagi was, rather forcefully, dragged into another room. This one was really different from the alter room. It's carpet was a hot pink color, and very fluffy. Rainbows decorated the sky blue walls. There was a table with several laptops on it, all of which were taken. Also there was a bookcase in the back, filled with what must have been BL because most of the backs were pink. And there was a futon, with a couple of kissing teddies, facing a huge flat screen.

"This is the Flamer Heaven." Raya said, appearing out of nowhere, "If this doesn't suit you, we also have the Bondage Dungeon and the Closet Paradise."

"Um, this is fine."

"Well, make yourself comfortable." She said, practically pushing him onto the futon. Miyagi was instantly surrounded by horny fangirls.

"Well, girls, looks like we've got to show him everything," Raya said, reading a text message that Miyagi assumed came from Aikawa, "Be ready to give your most detailed explanations." She winked at him, before hitting the play bottom on the DVD player.

-/-

By the end of the day, Miyagi had a through knowledge of Yaoi. He also now had a respect for fangirls. They were brilliant! So what if they were technically porn-addicts?

"There's just one more video."

"I know, but I've really got to be going. I have a Uke to fuck, remember?"

Many of the girls swooned.

"Just one more? I promise, this is a good one! Aikawa got herself! She had to install a hidden video camera in her author friend's house. It's a great honor to be shown the video." Raya insisted.

He sighed, "Sure, but this is the last one."

Raya smiled broadly and turned the video on. At first only man was in view, he looked like he'd been crying.

"Usami-san, take me instead." Said someone off screen. The voice was familiar, but he couldn't place it at first.

The man on screen looked at. Wiping away a tear, "What?"

"It's easy. All we need is a blindfold, and you can pretend I'm Takahiro. I just so happen to carry a blindfold around with me everywhere I go."

The other man suddenly stepped into view of the hidden camera.

Miyagi had what must have been a miniature heart attack when he saw who it was.

'_Kamijou…' _he thought, _'I didn't know you were such a whore… Just wait until Monday!'_

-/-

Well, first of all I apologize for using the same OC again. I do NOT blame on using her as a main character. I simply needed to give someone on there a name (Besides our lovely priestess Aikawa) and decided a familiar face would be nice.

***I think priest call people 'child.' Plus it makes our pervert priestess seem kind. **

***Nakamura Shungiku wrote Junjou Romantica **

***Yes this is a real site. I'm a Flaming Uke… There's a link on my profile if you're curious.**


	3. Dance With The Devil

_Well, I recently learned that the same guy who does Misaki's voice also dubbed for Edward Cullen in the Japanese version of Twilight. I also found this out right after I saw Kuroshitsuji season 2, and he just happens to be Claude. ((Oh yes, I threw two hissy fits during the first episode before… Well, I don't want to ruin it just in case. Nikki, the guy I watch a lot of anime with, had to hold me back from "killing" the computer.)) _

_And so, Misaki must die. Not because I dislike him… But because, I want revenge. ((My soul died when I found out he was Edward Cullen. Its reincarnation died when I found out he was Claude two seconds later)) So, like Ceil, I will kill him in revenge._

_**Warning**__: I torture our poor "innocent" Misaki. And Kuroshitsuji spoilers for end of season 1 and beginning of two._

_**Title:**__ Dance with the devil. (Cause Kuro has a lotta amv's with this song, it fits and cause I like it)_

-/-

"Misaki, I want you to move out."

"What?" Misaki looked up at the author. This wasn't the first time Usami had said something ridiculous like this. But somehow, this time seemed different.

"It's just… Takahiro got a divorce… And well, you know how I feel about him."

"You've got to be kidding me," Misaki said, there was no way Usami was being serious. He knew that Takahiro had gotten the divorce, but to suggest…

"I kid you not. Get out!"

Misaki blinked in surprise and Akihiko stepped to the side, revealing all of Misaki's stuff neatly packed.

"But… Where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't care, just leave! Don't you realize, you were only a replacement from the beginning?" Usami smirked as the tears started to fall from Misaki's eyes.

"Usagi-san…"

But the older man turned his back and went up the stairs, leaving Misaki.

-/- **Out on the streets:**

"Hey, kid? Are you okay?"

Misaki looked up at the stranger who'd asked. He had dumped all his stuff off at a storage place, and had been trying to find a place where he could stay cheaply. Somehow, he'd ended up in the park, crying his eyes out.

"Yeah…" he sniffled.

"What's wrong?" the guy asked sitting down beside him. The strange had black hair and bright blue eyes. And he looked kind of familiar but Misaki couldn't place him.

"I… I just got kicked out of my apartment… Usagi-san… is leaving me for someone else." He covered his face in his hands, wishing the tears would just stop.

"Aw, you poor thing!" he put his arm around Misaki, "Is there anything I can do?"

"No… I just need somewhere to sleep… I spent all the money that I had in my wallet on the storage place…"

"You could stay with me."

Misaki slowly looked back up at the stranger. He knew going to some random guy's house was a bad idea, yet he really didn't have anywhere else he could stay. "R-really?"

"Yeah, I know where you're coming from. I was an orphan and after I turned eighteen I really didn't have anywhere to go at first. I can buy you some lunch."

"Thank you… By the way, what's your name?"

"Nowaki. You?"

"Misaki."

"Well, Misaki you look like hell. Come on, we'll go home first and you can get cleaned up."

-/-

"Nowaki!" a familiar voice sang as they stepped into the apartment.

"That's my Hiro-san. Don't worry, he's a teacher." Nowaki said, before happily saying, "Hiro-san! We have company!"

"Oh, come on! How many times are you going to invite Tsumori over for drinks, it's not…" he stopped in the doorway…

"Kamijou-sensei?" Misaki asked, staring in disbelief. His professor, Kamijou the devil, was there? And he lived with the nice guy who'd taken Misaki off the streets? That was a little more than creepy.

"You brought one of my students home?"

"Well, he was in the park crying because someone dumped him. I couldn't resist helping him."

"Nowaki, we need to have a serious talk about who you pick up in the park. It isn't healthy to bring anyone you meet there home."

"I met you there."

"Shut up!" Kamijou yelled, showing his true colors.

"I'm sorry, I'll just be going." Misaki started, handing back toward the door. There was no way he could stay in the same apartment as Kamijou-sensei.

"No," Nowaki said, stepping in front of the door, "I swear its okay. Hiro-san is just on his period."

"Don't tell him that! He's one of my students!"

"Sorry, Hiro-san. But come on, he's all alone."

"I never said he couldn't stay. Just as long as he doesn't get in my way." And with that, the demon stomped away.

"He's like that with everyone."

"Yeah, I can tell."

"But I swear, it's not a problem. Tomorrow I'll help you find somewhere."

"Thanks again." Misaki said, wondering if he'd even be alive tomorrow.

-/-**Dinner with the devil:**

"So, you guys live together?" Misaki asked. He knew it probably wasn't polite, since they had taken him in, but he couldn't help wondering.

"Yes," Nowaki said, smiling broadly as if he were the luckiest man alive. He winced as Hiroki kicked him under the table.

"What's it to you? Beware, there's always a book lying at least two inches away from me at all times."

It was true…

"Nothing just… I was kicked out by my boyfriend. Usagi-san... he's leaving me for my brother Takahiro."

Hiroki blinked. Nowaki choked on his food.

"Usami Akihiko?" Hiroki suddenly asked.

"Yeah, are you a fan of his?"

"I… Wow, I didn't realize he… Damn."

"Akihiko is a huge jerk." Nowaki said, "I hate him."

"It's a long story, but guess I ought to tell you: Usami will never get over that guy."

"Yeah, but I loved him…"

"Join the club."

Oh yes, dinner with the devil proved to be much more interesting than Misaki would have thought.

-/- **Death:**

The next day, Misaki followed Nowaki to the local flower shop. It was a cute little store, and Nowaki seemed to think he could get Misaki a job there.

They were just stepping out of the subway when it happened.

"Where is he? I'll kill him!"

Misaki barely had time to think when the gun-shot rang out.

He was on the ground in an instant.

-/- **Happy Ending:**

"Misaki?" a sad voice asked.

"Usagi-san?" he opened his eyes.

The author was leaning over him, smiling slightly. Though it was obvious he'd been crying.

"What? Happened?" he was in a great deal of pain, but he couldn't tell why.

"It was a terrorist fangirl… A terrorist fangirl, terrorist. She had just seen Twilight advertised and recognized the voice. For some reason Takahiro, the voice actor, decided to become even gayer and dubbed for Edward 'the fairy' Cullen.

"Wow…"

"I know right? And it also turns out that he's doing another show. Kuro-shit something."

"Oh my gosh, I loved that show! So, there is going to be a second season! Wait… Didn't Ceil die?"

"Yeah, and he's been replaced with a horrible bi-polar kid. Sebastian was replaced by another demon-thing I guess, who has the same hairdo yet is seriously unattractive. He also tap-dances."

"Wow, I'd wanna kill me too."

"Don't say that!"

"What? I thought you were replacing me with Takahiro?"

"I just wanted to see what you'd do! I didn't think you'd replace me with Hiroki's psycho boyfriend!"

"I didn't replace you. I love you, Usagi-san."

Usami smiled, "Finally, you admit it."

"Well, this is Fanfiction, so it really doesn't count."

"True."

There was a pause before Misaki said, "Well, come on."

"What?"

"You know? These stupid stories usually end with us in bed, so just hurry up!"

"Misaki? Are you actually asking to…"

"So that I can get out of this scary fandom realm? YES!"

And so, they had a lovely night together. Happy Ending. You may all leave now.

**Yeah, well I hope this doesn't suck so bad.**

**(Akihiko's input: Oh, everyone **_**sucks**_** in fanfiction.)**

**Anyway, in the next chapter we shall visit **_**Shinobu during sex ed class**_**. ((Back when he was in high school, of course)) **_And, if anyone knows where to get Junjou without subs?_** I'm gonna try abridging it. So if anyone knows, **_**please tell me! **_**You can usually reach me on here or on Deviantart. (Same user name, Nowaki-Star)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**And BTW, I really don't understand why you guys liked the statue in the **_**yaoi temple**_**. But, one day I shall make tiny versions and sell them online. Lol. So, look forward to that in 10 years. JK**


	4. The Most Fun A Uke Can Have

_Inspired by Nikki, whom found my Grell and Sebastian action figures ((I've been spending all my paycheck on anime merch lately)) and made them kiss. It… Well, it inspired this crazy story._

_Sorry, the sex ed one will be the one after this. I promise!_

**The most fun a Uke can have.**

-/-

"You're so annoying. Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"I'm in love with you."

Usami stopped at Misaki's door. He'd only just gotten home from a very long, tiring meeting and wanted nothing more than to attack his adorable Misaki. He'd even snuck up the stairs quietly, hoping to surprise the boy.

But it seemed as though Misaki had company…

"I can't be with you, you know that." Misaki said, in a slightly sad voice.

"Why not? Leave him for me!"

"I can't!"

"But he's… huge and fat!"

Usami was about to reach for the door knob. He wouldn't let some cheeky brat get away with insulting him, besides it sounded as if he wanted to steal Misaki away from him. But he was stopped by what he heard next.

Misaki giggled slightly, before saying, "Yes, I know he is but… I can't leave him. We are bond forever."

Akihiko didn't know whether to be thrilled that Misaki wanted to be with him forever, or to be upset at Misaki for agreeing. He glanced down at himself, he wasn't overweight! Was he... ?

"That's it! I'm going to kill him!"

"No!"

"That's the only way you'll be free of him. Isn't that what you want?"

"But… If you even touch a hair on his head, I'll have to destroy you!"

"I'll risk fighting you, if it means we can be together!"

"Don't! There's no way you can win!"

"I have to try, don't I? I have to free you so we can be together."

"Fine then, this is it." Misaki sounded grave.

"Wait! Before we fight… Make love to me!"

_Okay, that's it! _Usami thought, throwing open the door. _I'm going to kill that bastard!_

Misaki was sitting crosslegged on his floor, across from him sat another boy around the same age. In his hands was an action figure with bright red hair holding a chainsaw, in Misaki's was a man with pitch black hair. Beside Misaki, was a pushie of a boy with blue hair.

The two boys blushed, and awkwardly dropped the dolls.

"Um… Usagi-san, I didn't hear you come in."

"I… I'll just be going then!" the other boy said, grabbed the two figures, "You can keep the pushie, Misaki! See ya tomorrow!"

He quickly rushed past Usami, still blushing.

"Let's pretend that didn't happen." Akihiko said, awkwardly.

"Yeah,"

"Unless of course, you want to make love to me?"

"Shut up, old man!"

-/-

**Well, it was pretty short. But, the image of Shinobu and Misaki playing together was just too adorable! BTW, action figures and pushie were from Kuroshitsuji. The show seems to be really popular on here, and I have to admit I'm in love with Ceil! ((Though I don't like Sebastian… He's gotten really soft in the new season.))**

**On a side note, I promise to finish Dear Angel soon! I've just sorta lost inspiation for it…**

_**So if anyone knows where I can get Junjou Romantica without subtitles, I will offer Fan-Service and/or an AMV. It's a pretty good bribe right?**_


	5. Even Demons Have Fun

_Well, here it is. The promised Sex Ed. class. _

_And all of the adorable ukes are turning up for it. _

**Even Demons Have Fun:**

(BTW, this is if the third story never happened!)

-/-

"Settle down!" Professor Kamijou screamed at his class. They instantly stopped talking and looked up at him.

"Today is going to be a little different. The dean has decided since there are so many teen pregnancies, that we should give you all a sexual education presentation. And since the school is very cheap, they are expecting us teachers' to do this."

The class stared in shock. Sure, most kids would have laughed. But this was Kamijou the devil!

"I personally, do not think it is appropriate. So, I've had a friend from the hospital come by to educate everyone."

The class breathed a sigh of relief as another man entered the room.

"Class, this is Kusama-Sensei. I expect you to all behave, and not harass Nowa- Kusama-Sensei with your crude sex jokes! Understood?"

"Yes, Kamijou-Sensei!"

"Good. I'll be leaving now, so you all better behave or I'll give you an assignment so great, you're very head will pop of! And no, that was not a crude joke, Sunoa-kun!" he threw a dictionary, that seemed to appear out of nowhere, at the boy who'd just barely covered his laugh.

"It's okay, Hiro-san. I can take care of everything, go ahead and leave."

Hiroki sent him a glare. It wasn't that he didn't love Nowaki, but being called that nick-name in front of his class was very embarrassing.

-/-

Misaki sighed as soon as the door closed behind the horrid teacher. The new guy mustn't have been too bad; he was smiling at the class after all. But then, if he was on a first name basis with Kamijou the Devil he couldn't have been too nice either.

"Hello, class." Kusama said, grinning, "I know that most of you are probably like 'On no, not another stupid, boring lecture' but I promise this won't be your typical Sex Ed class. I know, most of the time you're told its wrong and given annoying ethics talks, about how you have no idea about life and that you're stupid. I don't think any of you are stupid, and I know that you're thinking about your future and that is why you are in college." He paused, to think for a moment, "This is going to be different, because I am going to talk to you like adults and I'm not going to scare you about the bad things that can and do happen.

"Now, first of all, does anyone know what STV is? Or, more commonly called an STD?"

"A sexually transmitted virus." One student said.

"Okay, good. So, I'm guessing you all know the dangers of STV's and STD's?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good, then I'll just skip over the explanations. Basically, you get these viruses from either intercourse, a blood-transfusion or you can even get it from your mother's milk when you are a baby. Isn't that disturbing? Anyway, there aren't any real cures for these although if you do get infected there are things you can take that may get rid of the symptoms. I'm sure you all know what condoms are?"

Again, the class nodded.

Misaki glanced over at Shinobu, who was doodling a picture of Shuichi Shinodou, from Gravitation, playing RockBand. A question had popped into his head that he really wanted to ask his friend. He really wasn't sure why, but somehow he just felt like asking.

He turned his cell phone back on, knowing that Shinobu would not have turned his off even for Kamijou's class.

**Misaki: Hey, can I ask you a personal question?**

**Shinobu: Wat? **He asked in the annoying text-language Misaki had expected. ((Translations at bottom if necessary.))

**Misaki: You have a boyfriend, right?**

**Shinobu: R u askin meh out? *wink***

**Misaki: NO! I just wondered if I could ask a question… about… you know!**

**Shinobu: I a open book!**

**Misaki: Do you ever use protection?**

**Shinobu: Nope. Y should we? We r in a yaoi anime, we dont need it. No1 does in yaoi~**

**Misaki: True… Just wondering…**

**Shinobu: Y? do ya wana do it with meh aftr sckool?**

**Misaki: NO!**

-**Getting back to the lecture… Er, well after the lecture:**

"Okay, how does anyone have any questions?"

A shy girl, whom never really talked to anyone, raised her hand.

"Yes?"

"Um… I was just thinking," she blushed before asking, "If you have intestines, how does a prostate exam work?"

Kusama-Sensei blinked a few times while the rest of the class laughed. "No, that's a good question! Now, let me find the poster," he said as he began searching through his over-sized, man-purse.

"I bet he's just never done it before!" one of the boys said with a laugh.

"What was that?" Kusama asked, looking up.

"Oh, Ruzzaki was wondering why Kamijou the devil wasn't teaching us. He's probably just doesn't get any and couldn't 'educate' us.

A few other students laughed too. But Kusama's grin had slipped.

"I'm sure Professor Kamijou gets plenty. He is a very successful individual whom probably has a very rich personal life."

"Yeah, right!"

"Bullshit, man! You have no idea."

"I know for a fact that Hiro-san has a great sex-life!" the man practically yelled.

The class got silent.

"Um, he has flawless skin. As a doctor I notice these types of things, and I just can't stand to hear someone ripped on. I'm very sorry for the outburst."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Shinobu said, looking up for the first time, "Are we talking about Kamijou's love life?" He laughed, "I know him! He's a total slut who goes around stealing men from poor, innocent teenagers."

"Hiro-san would never!"

Shinobu opened his mouth to hurl another insult, but stopped in sudden realization, "No way! You're that guy Miyagi was telling me about, weren't you?" He doubled over laughing.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"You're Kamijou's boyfriend aren't you?"

Some of the class laughed, some cried but most vomited at the idea of their professor 'doing the nasty' with anyone, male or female.

"Yes, I live with Hiro-san." Kusama admitted, smiling a little with pride, "We've been together for six years now…"

Suddenly, the door opened and Kamijou the devil entered, sipping his coffee. Everyone gawked at him, the room was totally silent.

"What?" he asked, defensively.

"Nothing, we'd just started talking about the thousands of cells in semen, just waiting to impregnate one of the lovely ladies in this class, and how to defend themselves by using protection and taking special pills."

"Well, class is almost over. And since we wasted a whole day on this silly class, I expect all of you to write a ten-page essay on what you've learned."

The class held back groans of protest. Things were back to normal instantly.

No one dared say anything about Kamijou's boyfriend, in the fear that he'd do much worse than hurl heavy, thousand page dictionaries at them. He was just that evil; you never knew what type of punishment to expect. And in this case, not even the big troublemakers wanted to find out.

-BONUS! Because I have a creepy-pedo fantasy about Shinobu x Misaki:

"Oh, come on, Misaki! We should at least try these out first!"

"I told you, I'm not doing this. If I take these home, Usagi-san will think I want to have more sex with him."

"You don't want to have sex with him? What's wrong with you?" Shinobu asked his friend, giving him the 'you're insane' look.

"What's wrong with me? Aren't you the one who wants to try out condoms with me?" Misaki asked, still in disbelief.

"Oh, come on! You can't say you're not curious! And besides, I wanna make sure they aren't totally horrible. I mean, there has to be a reason our semes don't use them."

"Yeah, well test it out on someone else."

"Come on, Misaki! It's not like I have to have full-out sex with you. You're just going to put on the condom, and I'm going to suck you off. And if it doesn't feel good, you'll tell me. True friends do that type of thing for each other."

"Shinobu, that's probably the worse idea I've ever heard. And I've made a lot of ridiculous plans!"

"You're right," Shinobu said after a moment's thought, "We'll both have to suck each other off. That way we'll both be sure of the results, plus I'll know you aren't just being nice if I suck at sucking. I've been told that I bite a little bit… Hey! I know you can help me improve!" *

And with that, Misaki was dragged back to Shinobu's apartment. The rest shall be left to your imagination. If you lack imagination, then check back because the writer has a weird thing for Shinobu x Misaki fanfiction and will probably write one someday. **((As soon as she finishes everything she's supposed to be working on.))**

-/-

*** That's usually the story-line they use in Shinobu x Misaki. **

**Shinobu's text language: "Are you asking me out?" "I'm an open book." "Nope. Why should we? We're in a yaoi anime. No one uses it in yaoi." "Why? Do you want to 'do it' with me after school?"**

**Anyway, thank you to everyone. Especially to **_**Lunanight24.**_** I never thought about looking on youtube for them! Thank you! And although I couldn't find the first few episodes, I'm sure I'll be able to manage somehow! You are in my debt! So, dare I ask, is there anything you'd like to see happening here? **


	6. Ukes' Night Out

_Well, since you guys all seem to love Shinobu and Misaki, and it was requested by someone I owe a debt to, here's another little story about them. Actually, I do promise to do something different in the next chapter. I'm actually thinking: Hiroki and Miyagi go to a strip club. _

_Anyway,_

**Ukes Night Out**

-/-

"Come on, Misaki! It'll be awesome!" Shinobu said, as they ate the rice the cafeteria seemed to serve every day. He could see Sumi-san glaring at him a few tables away, probably angry he'd stolen his 'best friend.' Please! All he did was use Misaki in a failed attempt to Seme Usami… Usagi… Whatever the heck Misaki's boyfriend's name. It wasn't like he'd been listening that closely to the story. And besides, Semes and Ukes just couldn't be "bestest" friends with each other. Sex would always get in the way. Misaki needed friends that were like him.

"I told you, I don't think Usami-san would like it if we went to the movies together."

Shinobu sighed, "I told you, it's not a date. It's like, a Girl's Night Out." How come girls could get away with everything anyway?

"Fine, for the sake of this crappy plot-line, fine." Misaki muttered as Shinobu practically threw himself at the boy, hugging him. "But, I am _not_ sleeping over at your house!"

"Well, of course not. That'd be _scandalous~_"

Misaki slapped his forehead, realizing he should have never taught Shinobu that word.

-/-

"Hey, Usami-san, I'm actually going with one of my friends tonight. So, you don't have to pick me up."

"It's not Sumi, right? Or Haruhiko? Remember, Misaki he doesn't actually have any cake, it's a lie." *

"I know, we went over that. And actually, I'm going with Shinobu. Remember him?"

"That blonde kid."

"Yeah, so obviously I'm okay."

"When will you be home?"

"I don't know. We're going to see that new Leonardo Dicaprio movie, so I don't know when we'll be back."

"Okay, well call me if you need me to pick you up."

"Okay, bye!"

"Love you, bye."

Misaki hung up, thinking Akihiko seemed a little out of character. It wasn't like him to just let Misaki go. But then, maybe he was trying to trust Misaki more.

"Well, let's go!" Shinobu said, happily hanging up on his Seme, who seemed to be protesting.

"Okay, yeah. Let's go."

-/-

"Wow, that was… epic." Misaki said, stretching as they walked out.

"I know right! Even though he's sorta old now, I still think Leo is hot. Damn, I wish Miyagi looked like that!"

"I was talking about the movie."

"Oh… But still! Damn!"

"Shinobu, you're scaring me. That guy is like, old enough to be your old man probably."

Shinobu was silent a moment. "He's only 35… Misaki, would you really be that disgusted?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like if I was dating someone older." Shinobu asked, looking down as they stepped out into the mall.

"Well, Usami is ten years older than me, so I guess I really have no room to speak." Misaki said, thinking his friend was probably dating a twenty year old.

"Hey, you wanna get something to eat?" Shinobu said, changing the conversation rather quickly.

"Sure."

-/-

"You know, dating an older guy… It's really not that bad."

Misaki sighed, "Just spit it out, Shinobu. You were hinting all through dinner."

Shinobu stared at the bill he had just signed. He looked up as the annoyingly flirty waitress took the bill and left them. He trusted Misaki and all, but it was a big secret. Then again, Misaki had just admitted Usagi-whatever was 10 years older than him. "You can't tell anybody, okay?" *

A few minutes later they were sitting on the curb, outside of Olive Garden. They had defiantly missed the last train back. He didn't really have a choice now. "I'm going to call Miyagi; he can give us a lift."

Misaki nodded and pulled out his own cell-phone, probably texting his own Seme that he'd be home soon.

"Miyagi, I need a ride."

"Shinobu, it's late and I was about to go to asleep."

"Don't give me that, you were probably up reading again."

There was a brief pause, "Okay, maybe I was. But regardless, shouldn't you be home already?"

"Probably. So, can you come pick me up?"

"You owe me, Shinobu. No cabbage-anything for a month."

"Fine, old man."

He hung up a few moments later, after telling Miyagi where they were.

"So, what is it you were going to tell me?" Misaki asked, sitting down on the curb.

"Well… Miyagi is… Thirty."

Misaki blinked, "So? Usami's thirty-two."

"Miyagi is thirty-eight." *

Misaki stared at him in silent shock for awhile. "Um… Shinobu, don't… do things, do you?"

"Things?"

"Like, you know." Misaki blushed as he made a crude hand gesture, as if saying it was any worse.

Shinobu sighed, should have known he'd get a bad reaction. "He isn't using me! It's destiny that we're together." His friend still look sure so he added, "Besides, he didn't want anything to do with me. I pushed myself at him."

Misaki sat in thought for awhile, "You know, we are total opposites. You wanted a relationship with an old guy. And it's not like I don't love Usagi-san, but at first it just didn't seem right."

"I guess that most be how Miyagi felt… All well! He loves me, so it doesn't matter."

-/-**Meanwhile, across town:**

"Well, thanks for the drink but I really got to get going."

"Sure. Anyway, it's probably time I got going too."

"You're not going to tell him, are you?"

"Of course not. However, I will suggest tomorrow that the boy stay for dinner. Then, as you said, maybe Misaki's cooking skills will rub off on him."

"Thank you, you don't understand how much of a relief that is!"

"Well, as long as he stays in line, I don't see the problem with it. Besides, how much trouble can a couple Ukes get into anyway?"

Miyagi chuckled before steeping outside. He was starting to hope the boys had a "Ukes Night Out" next week. Usami and he planned on going bowling.

-/-

**Anyway, I'm sorry if the ending sucks. I was tired… But I tried. …And if anyone cares about the Junjou Parodies. I have a video up on my channel as an announcement. I promise the trailer will be done by Monday. (OR Sunday depending on how much time I get to work on it.) Anyway, my name on there is Rhiannon_Vampire. Yeah, older account… All well. **

*** As I mention quite a bit, Misaki is rather stupid and not only goes into Haruhiko's hotel room at the mention of cake, but also gets into his car when he knows Haruhiko is taking him back to his house. *Face palm* Misaki, did Takahiro never teach you "Stranger Danger." **

****I don't know why but Shinobu seems OOC… I just he'd probably be a little more direct, but I also can't see him telling someone that easily... But hey, for the sake of the plot, he had to trust Misaki so all well.**

****Advanced ages because two/three years have gone by in the manga. (Idk if terrorist is a little later… Probably like, by a year or something. But it's late and I don't feel like looking it up.)**


	7. Bad Day

Well the good news is: I finally got the Junjou parody trailer uploaded! It's tilted simply "Junjou Parody Trailer" and my username there is Rhiannon_Vampire. Yeah, idk if anyone actually cares.

Well, much thanks and much love to my two biggest helps: DistractedPanda and Lunanight12. And also to Miyayu for being a constant support, your reviews always make me smile. I look forward to hearing from all of you. :)

**Bad Day:**

-/-

Having a rough day was putting it mildly. Hiroki's day had been hell. Nowaki hadn't woken him up, again. He'd ended up skipping breakfast. And Miyagi, for the better part of the morning, had been a no show.

Unfortunately, now that he was here he was absolutely no help at all.

It wasn't like Miyagi was harassing him again, he wasn't. And it wasn't like Hiroki would be stuck doing his work, Miyagi owed him for this morning. But what he was watching online was very distracting.

"Professor, I don't believe it is legal for you be on that site at work." He didn't bother mentioning that sleeping with the dean's son was also illegal; he doubted Miyagi would change that anytime soon.

"Well, I can't watch it at home and I doubt my ex-wife would appreciate me going to her apart to watch it."

"Sir… I am highly uncomfortable with it."

There was a pause before Miyagi started laughing.

"I'm serious, now turn it off and erase the computer's memory, for the Gods' sake!"

"_Hiroki?" _Miyagi sang happily.

"Don't call me that!"

"What? Don't you like this type of stuff?" Miyagi pointed at the screen which Hiroki could bring himself to look at.

"Shut up."

He laughed again, before turning serious. "You know, it isn't my thing either." Miyagi closed the page, saying something about it was a false link anyway. So if anyone found it on the hard drive, he could just say he didn't know what it was.

-/-

When Miyagi looked up, he saw a very confused looking Hiroki.

"What?"

"You don't like sites like that?"

"I never did really. I always thought it was a waste of my time."

"But… Then why were you watching it?"

"I guess I wanted to prove something to myself… Looks like it didn't work though." He answered. He really didn't want to admit he was trying to see if that thing would turn him on. He figured, if straight men liked Yuri, why couldn't someone who was bi?

Besides, he still didn't like admitting to himself that Shinobu could get him off a lot faster than his sister even could have.

-/-

"You know, I almost respect you." Hiroki said, hiding a grin.

"Hey, Kamijou?" he made a point of using his last name for once, "We're friend's right?"

"I suppose so."

"Would you do something for me?"

"What is it?" Kamijou asked after a long pause.

"Well, you know how I was trying to prove something to myself-"

"I am not doing anything sexual with you!"

"That wasn't what I wanted to ask. I… Would you go with me to a… club."

"What type of club?"

"Well, you know… One that guys go to when their wives are out of town."

"You're not serious are you?" he asked, appalled.

"Of course I am. It's perfectly normal."

"No!"

"Oh, come on, Hiroki!" Miyagi begged, dropping to one knee.

"The answer is no."

"Come on, Hiroki! Don't be such a stick in the mud."

"Why the hell would I go to one of those… strip clubs in the first place? I'm not into that kind of thing, and neither are you."

"Oh, come on. It's not that big of a deal. And who knows, you might learn something about yourself that you didn't know before."

"I'm not a Dutch door, unlike a certain annoying, lazy professor I work with." Hiroki glared.

"How do you know, you've never even tried it!"

That was the last straw. Hiroki's day had been bad enough without having to deal with Miyagi's perverseness.

The last thing Miyagi saw was Hiroki's knee, coming up to whack him in the face from his position on the floor. When he woke up, he was laying in the nurse's office.

That day he learned to never get down on his knees to beg Hiroki to do something. That man was insane.

-/-

Well, I hope this wasn't a fail like the last thing I wrote here. I wanted to actually get them to a bar together, but I guess no matter what way you look at it: Hiroki would never let that happen. And Miyagi deserved a little sense smacked into his head.

*Hands a heavy book to all who've read* Feel free to whack Misaki with it. He is also due for a smack. :)


	8. Caremel Dance

_Well… I don't know who to dedicated this to. So, I'll blame in on my chat room buddies. So, idkwhour and monster_me I blame you both for this. If it weren't for that damned song, I'd be writing a cute little chapter about young Misaki sniffing glue or something. _

**The Cursed Caremel Dance:**

-/-

"Shinobu, are you sure this is safe?"

"Yeah, I go on here all the time." The boy said.

They were on a chat site, one where you made an avatar and danced around. Sure, it was mainy populated by yound teens. And almost everyone you met was a gangster or emo-wannabe. * But, Shinobu's little avatar was the same.

"It's not emo. It's indie." Shinobu had corrected him.

"Indie?"

"Yeah. Cause I'm not wearing shoes, like an Indian!"

Misaki blinked. "Um, okay."

"Oh! Look at her! That's a member for sure!" Shinobu said, sending his character over to her. 'Ur pretty' he typed in.

'Ty'*((Translations at bottom... This is seriously how they talk. lol))

'yw'

'ur sexy. Wanna go out?'

Shinobu smiled up at Misaki, "See I told you it was popular."

'No thanks. Whats ur name?'

'Aw, why not?'

'I hav a bf.'

'oh … add me plz!"

'ok!'

'ty'

'yw'

'ew!' another guy had appeared by them. 'fag'

'azzhole, fck off.'

'fag'

'breeder hor.'

"Shinobu!" Misaki said.

"What? Did you see what he just called me?"

"Yeah, but still! You can't just randomly fight with people. Here, just hit the report botton."

"No way. No one ever gets banned for that."

'ur just jealous im vip. And ur not, azzwipe.'

"Shinobu!"

"What? I didn't catch what he said before that because you were distracting me."

The other member girl had also been cussing at the boy. A second later he disappeared in a puff of smoke. Shinobu and the girl both 'l0l'ed. And to spare you from more annoying internet talk, she invited Shinobu to her room because was cool with a capital K.

Once there, the weirdest thing happened. Another girl showed up, wearing normal clothes.

She was introduced as the Goth girl's 'sister' before she turned _**the song**_ on.

"What the…" Misaki started but he just couldn't finish. He was already laughing his ass off at how Shinobu and the girls were dancing to it.

"What? Come on, haven't you heard the caramel dance before?" Shinobu asked.

"No… Is that what that is called?"

"Yeah, it's epic!"

"It's… very, very gay, Shinobu." Misaki replied, watching the anime characters on the screen dance along to it. They were making little bunny-ears with their hands and, in time with the music, swaying back and forth while moving their 'ears.'

"No it isn't! The caramel dance is awesome!"

"You're insane." Misaki said.

"What me to teach it to you?"

"No!"

"Come on, Misaki! It's really fun!" he said, typing in 'brb' to his friends. His avatar fell asleep on the spot.

"Shinobu, there's no way…"

"Here, put your arms up for a minute."

"Shinobu, I'm not doing it."

"Come on!" he said pouting.

"No way." Misaki couldn't believe his friend wanted him to do something so silly. Sure, the characters made it look cute but… There was no way Misaki was going to that stupid dance.

"Why? Are you afraid you can't?"

"I don't dance."

"Well, you're going to start."

A few minutes later Misaki was attempting to sway his hips while Shinobu giggled at him.

"See, this is why I don't dance."

"Oh, come on. You were doing so well!"

"I hate you, Shinobu. I can't believe you talked me into this."

"Oh, you just need to loosen up a little. I mean, it's so simple. Look," Shinobu instantly begin dancing like the adorable little emos on his computer screen.

And Misaki was proven right. The dance did only look good when someone not real was doing it.

"Hey, Shinobu?" He said, suddenly getting an idea, "How about I record you dancing so I can learn it over the week."

"Do you promise to actually use the account I made you on here?"

"Of course." He said going back to the computer. "Oh Fuck! They raped me while I was gone!" *

-/- The Next Day:

Shinobu happily turned up his laptop after receiving Misaki's text message. He was extremely happy his friend had agreed to get an account on his favorite chat site.

And a bunch of his friends were online too. After inviting a couple to his room, he went back himself. Misaki's cute little avatar was waiting. He didn't look cool at all, but he'd somehow managed to make himself adorable even though everyone knew how difficult that was.

'Hey!' he typed in before telling everyone that Misaki was his friend from home.

They were all nice to him. And after a few minutes, Misaki seemed to have gotten the hang of Meez.

'Can I turn something on?' he asked Shinobu.

'Sure. Misaki next!' He said giving a little (: face. He was happy his friend was so confortable with his online friends.

Then Misaki's turn come. At first, Shinobu didn't know what to say. He was in shock… How had that gotten into youtube?

'That's Shinobu in real life.' Misaki said, while everyone else laughed.

_He is so dead for this,_ Shinobu thought as he quickly changed the video.

-/-

**Well, that was silly and pointless. And I'm sorry for the annoying chat site talk. … I guess I'm still sore at one of my friends for turning on yaoi every time a guy attempts entering my room. *Cough, cough Hannah!* **

**And btw, if you don't know the dance (I think it goes by another name too…) you need to look it up. Now! Haha. **

***When I say this, I simply mean they have pure white skin, wear all black and have ridiculous hairstyles. And if you happen upon the site, you'll think 'OMFG what wannabes!' Oh, and most of the guys are gangsters. Except the racist ones… And the few gay dudes I talk to on there! Yay!**

*** TY- Thank you. YW- You're welcome. PLZ- please. WB-Welcome back. BF- boyfriend. Everyone probably knows that, but yeah… l0l is used because lol is a move that makes your avatar actually laugh. No one uses it because it interrupts whatever you're doing. (btw, the big reason I used all of the crappy internet talk was so Shinobu could call someone a 'breeder whore. I just really loved that idea. lol)**

*** I once got to rape a Naruto avatar in my friend's room. He was away from his keyboard and they dared me too. "No! He's a ninja! He'll kill me!" But I did it anyway. (Yep, I'm proud of my Naruto rape. Haha)**


	9. Mini Tyrant

_This is because I didn't really like the last one… Payback lol. _

_Well, I wasn't a big fan of Koisuru Boukun at first. For awhile it was: 'that stupid yaoi what's-her-name told me about that hasn't even been subbed." Then I started the books and 'OMG! This is almost as good as Junjou!' Right now, I'm not sure where it's at on my top-BL scale. But it's pretty high up. _

_**Dedicated to:**__ Kayla for telling me about this amazing series. I am in debt._

**Mini Tyrant:**

-/-

It had been two months since Miyagi and Shinobu had had sex.

And it was driving Shinobu insane.

Why hadn't Miyagi used the spare key Shinobu had given him? Was he sleeping with that Hiroki slut? Or maybe, had he decided that Shinobu was just too young for him? He did still call Shinobu a brat any chance he got.

No, that was silly. Shinobu knew Miyagi still loved him but… He was just always insecure. Being in a relationship with someone that much older than you was difficult.

Slightly depressed, he turned on his TV and began flipping channels.

"Yes, the long awaited anime version of 'The Tyrant who fell in love' will be premiering shortly." A TV announcer said.

Shinobu almost laughed. _What a stupid name!_ He thought, about to change the channel. But then a picture of the book came up… _It's a yaoi manga?_

"Do you think love has an expiration date?"

_Oh, it's one of those stupid girly ones isn't it? _

-/-Twenty minutes later:

"I need that book!" Shinobu practically screamed at his TV.

A few minutes later, Shinobu was pulling on his coat and walking as quickly as he could to the nearest Borders.

-/-

"Do have a Border's rewards card?" the 'nice' lady at the checkout asked, while she slowly flipped the book over to scan it.

"Yeah, the number's…"

"Oh dear." She said suddenly, looking up, "I mean, honey, may I please see your ID?"

Shinobu sighed and opened his wallet. He'd hoped if he tore the wrapper off she wouldn't notice he was buying such a nasty book.

"Thank you, dear." She said, looking at him funny.

-/-The Next Day:

"Shinobu, I swear the stress at work is killing me. Do you think I could-"

Miyagi stopped mid-sentence, staring at the scene in front of him in shock. Shinobu was nude, laying a very compromising position.

"It's been two months, Miyagi. Do you know how many points you've racked up?"

"What are you-"

"You owe me, Miyagi." And with that, Shinobu got up and walked silently into his bedroom.

And because Miyagi was a stupid, horny old man he followed him.

And that was the biggest mistake Miyagi ever made. Even bigger than his marriage to Risako, which I'm sure everyone agrees was a terrible mistake.

Shinobu shoved him onto the bed. If he had braced for it, he might not have fallen but the attack was so sudden Shinobu was able to overpower him

And put handcuffs on him?

It took a minute for it to fully register. But Shinobu had him chained to the bed.

"You owe me, Miyagi." Shinobu said again. His expression was somewhat dark and very disturbing as he reached for something in his drawer.

"No, Shinobu! What the hell are you…"

"You asked for it."

-/-

**And anyone whose read up to book 5 will understand what happened here. (You know… With Mori's asshole brother… And Misaki!) **

**Well, review! It's love! Plus I just give you two new stories! **


	10. Yaoi FTW!

_Well, I love my friends. And I also love the crazy yaoi loving ones I have. But, sometimes… Well, Kayla was asking for trouble, reading a slash fanfic ((L x Light)) while my brother was in the room. _

_So, Derek decided to inform us of the differences between yaoi and actual gay sex. TMI, Derek! But, being that this is a yaoi manga, I decided it'd be funny for Hiroki and Miyagi to argue it out. (:_

_**Reminders: I have a poll on my profile for votes on my Kuroshitsuji Parody. Even if you don't know the series, it should still be fun. And I currently only owe one person Fan-Service! Yay! However, it is also offered to anyone who can think up a good OP for my parodies on youtube. (:**_

_**Warning! This is probably considered M! But I'm gonna stick with my T-rating cause I like it and because they don't have sex. They just talk about it, in vivid detail. **_

**Yaoi FTW!**

-/-

"Miyagi, is that what I think it is?" Hiroki asked, somewhat irritated

"It's a yaoi novel, yeah." The annoying man said, stroking the cover of _Object of his Affection_* lovingly. "Where else was I going to pick up pointers? I mean, the first time I just did what I used to do with his sister, but come on! He's a guy! There's a difference all right!"

"Ugh, you've got to be kidding me. I can't believe you've sunk that low!"

"Well, Hiroki, unless you and that author friend of yours plan on opening a special BL academy, this is all I have." He said, looking at Hiroki meaningfully.

"Don't bother with the book, trust me. Yaoi and actual sex are really different. Here, look at this." He pulled the book from Miyagi and flipped a few pages. Finally he stopped and showed Miyagi a picture of the 'Uke' 'releasing.'

"That, right there. Doesn't just happen. First of all, _this,_" he pointed at the place where the two connected, "also not a common thing. That hurts like hell you know! And doing _that_ isn't going to do_ this_ to any guy." He pointed to the first picture as he spoke.

Miyagi only blinked. "You mean, you don't really _put it in_ much?"

"I don't put anything in anywhere, thank you." Hiroki said, turning into the mascot for _"Ukes Kick Ass"_ along with the _"Under every Seme lays a Uke"_ T-shirt. *

"Oh, right. Sorry… But, anyway, as you were saying?" Miyagi suddenly turned into a prefect student and even grabbed a notepad and pencil.

"Right. Well, you also can't do this." He pointed at the picture where the Seme had gotten off.

"Um, what if I accidently did that without knowing better?" Miyagi asked after a short pause.

"Well, my guess is that Shinobu is going to be sick for several days… Miyagi, just where did you think _that stuff_ was going to go? His stomach?"

"Um, I really wasn't thinking at the time."

"Of course you weren't! And you didn't even think of it later, I'm guessing! That's the problem with you Semes!"

Just then a little "Ahem" was heard from the doorway. Both men looked up to see the dean standing there like an idiot.

"I would like to remind you both that you're at work and employ relationships are frowned upon. But, I also am not allowed to discriminate against homosexuals so I'll leave you two alone."

Hiroki blushed in embarrassment. Miyagi meanwhile was practically jumping in joy. The dean would never guess he was with Shinobu now!

A week later, when the dean mentioned it to his daughter, Miyagi would regret it.

-/-

**Well, the next shorts may include terrible things such as the "human cheese grader." I was hoping to do that one next, since Miyagi and Shinobu are now living together, but nothing was coming to me. **

_**Please also read the reminders section! I'm offering Fan-service again!**_

***Very little smut in this BL btw! I just wanted to use the title because I just bought it. (: Although there are… pictures. It's not hardcore. At all. And nothing I write in the above happens in the manga. (:**

***It's actually on a bag. But it's still something you can actually buy online! Oh, Ukes Kick Ass was a T-shirt though! **


	11. The Human Cheese Grader

_And to celebrate Shinobu and Miyagi moving in together, I bring you this crazy story inspired by the Pedi-something/whatever. Which is used to make the bottom of your feet softer._

**The Human Cheese Grader**

-/-

Miyagi though having Shinobu move in would be great. Then again, he'd thought the same about Risako. And look how great _that _had worked out!

But deciding it would be a nice gesture, Miyagi went home early.

When he got back, Shinobu still wasn't home from whatever class he'd gone to. But that was to be expected since it started after Miyagi's. Picking up the key he barely used, Miyagi headed to Shinobu's apartment. He figured the least he could do was help Shinobu start moving stuff to the other apartment.

_First, I'll get the basics,_ he thought; _clothes, toothbrush, that good smelling stuff he bathes in… _Smiling, Miyagi wandered into the bathroom to get said nice smelling stuff.

He began quietly filling a bag with the random gels and soaps he found around the tub. That's when he saw _it. _

_It_ looked like the hybrid-baby-love-child of a nail-file, a soft brush one might use on a horse's mussel*, a rock and something he could only think looked somewhat like a cheese grader. But in whole, the thing, no _it_, was horrible. Just horrible. He didn't even want to touch it. But since it was in Shinobu's bathroom, it really couldn't be that bad, right?

He reached for it but stopped as he heard someone in the hall, unlocking the door to his room. He dropped the bag of stuff, figuring since he'd already given Shinobu his cold; the boy should be fine with using his toothbrush. Again.

"What took you so long, old man?" Shinobu gave him a devilish smile.

"I was next door, packing_ your_ stuff." He replied, wishing he'd brought the bag after all. He'd have to get it in the morning…

"Oh," Shinobu said quietly, cheeks turning a faint pink. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me. I'm sure you'll think of a way to repay me tonight…"

Shinobu's cheeks only got a bit redder. Little did Miyagi know, he was already planning it.

-/-

The next morning, before going back to the school, Miyagi headed over to get the stuff he'd left the day before.

He glanced at_ it_, as he picked up the bag and thought about possibly throwing_ it_ in a dumpster somewhere. Shinobu would probably think_ it_ had gotten lost during the move, if he noticed_ its_ absence at all. But then, if _it_ were really that important Shinobu would just buy another one. And it was quite possible that the new_ it_ could be much worse than this _it._

_Hiroki will probably know what it is,_ he thought, tucking it into his suitcase which was really just an oversized wallet.

-/-

"Hey, Kamijou~" he called, "I need your help with something."

"Professor, please do your own damn work."

"Not that! Although, actually that would be a nice thing for you to do… But, no! That's totally, not what I was gonna say! You need to look at this thing!"

"Professor, as I have clearly stated before, I do** not** appreciate being flashed. Thank you."

"Oh, come on! It was a one time thing, and you know it was just a joke! Seriously, look at this thing I found." He pulled the hybrid device from his suitcase.

"Miyagi," Hiroki sighed, "Where exactly are you going with this?"

"Nowhere. I honestly don't know what this thing is."

"It's a p-" Hiroki stopped and smiled suddenly, "It's a Philocanthroposis-is. You use it on your scrotum."

"R-really?" Miyagi asked, staring at it in only slight disbelief.

"Yeah. The rough side," he said, poking at the cheese-grader-like part, "This is to make the skin there more resistant.* Trust me, all Seme-guys should use it! The way it makes Nowaki's… oh, you know."

Miyagi nodded and put the Philocanthroposis-is back into his bag. _Kamijou seemed a little more open today,_ he thought. _Maybe he's warming up to me!_

**-/- Later that night: **

Screams were heard from the You apartment that night. An ambulance was called, but it was already too late.

Shinobu had already seen the damage and was personally laughing his ass off as Miyagi shrieked in pain.

Somewhere, not too far away, Kamijou Hiroki was cheerfully eating some cheesecake. He smirked at the sirens in the distance, having an idea of where they were headed.

"Hey, you're in a good mood." Nowaki observed.

"Yeah," he said, dreamily, "You know, I'm actually feeling a little cold."

They shared an intense look as Nowaki fully processed the message. *

"Okay, come on then." He said, signing the bill for their desserts. They both left the café. One wearing the 'I'm gonna get laid' smile. The other smiling sadistically as he imagined how much pain Miyagi was really in.

-/-

**Well… Review! I now owe 2 people fan-service. Ha ha. But I think I might do another Shinobu x Misaki chapter. Or maybe a chapter about Misaki and Toudou's facebook group- "Men who read **_**The Kan**_**" in which, they really are the only guys on Earth who read that manga. (: **

***I loves my horses! Sorry. Just sharing a bit. (:**

***Troy, my guy-friend (Whom everyone thinks I'm dating. Ugh) told me that he thinks there really needs to be something out there that makes a guy's dick more resistant because he personally fears Kei$ha cutting his off… Yeah, I had him read this well it was in my notebook (Hence the short paragraphs) so it really wasn't as random as it sounds. **

***Nowaki processed this faster than a fucking Dell computer! … Don't ask. Inside joke.**


	12. Tolet Paper FLAME

_Okay, so flaming people is wrong. However, if said person spits in your face and what they've written isn't that good... I think it'd be fine for me to publically flame it. IN A FUNNY WAY! _

_Okay, so I probably can't explain the whole thing without sounding like the bitch I secretly am. Basically, a story I wrote a long time ago was ripped off and had lemony-ness added. (Badly written lemon that is.) It's kinda like, Mirage of Blaze which ripped the storyline and characters off of Descentants of Darkness. You know, they stole the story, gave it better effects and added yaoi... _

_I have been wronged. So, here is my public flame of "All Grown Up" a badly written JR porno._

_Yes, I know I'm bitch. But, in this case, I have the right to be._

_-/-**(Yaoi warnings)**_

Okay, so once upon a midnight- Er, wait... Well, one day (In Japan), Misaki decided to leave Usami. Why? Well, he realized that although all he's good for is uking* some one was welling to hire him for a job that he wasn't able to do because he wasted all his collage years sucking. And you know, in this economic state, useless people are hired all the time. So, he left Akihiko.

And became a prevert? A phone-sex prevert? Misaki?

Night after night, phone-call after phone-call, he dreamed of f*cking Usami.

So, day after years... Let's say, he's 35 years old. Which he'd have to be if he's grown into the man he's described as. In fact, if you wanna get logical he'd have be around 40. But, for reader's sake, we'll say 35.

Anyway, after many years, he goes back to Usami.

"Usami! You're like, old now! I wanna f*ck you in the doorway!" Misaki all but screamed.

"I'm rich, have a _much_ younger partner and am still being laid at age **(50) **45! I'm not like a stereotypical white man at all!" Usami said, very OOC like.

And somehow, they managed to make it to the bedroom. No, not even a proper_ 'How's it hanging?'_ They just headed to the bedroom without much poorly written dialogue.

And then clothes were ripped and apperantly Misaki didn't wear shoes, and they tangled up together in the bed. Then for the sake of smut, Misaki got dominant and Usami started blushing (Cause Usami really is a stereotype uke on the inside and blushes at the simplest things) and then there was mention of Jello... For some reason, Misaki once felt like jello. Jello? Basically, what we're trying to say is, Misaki is a great street dancer and is a pro at doing the worm!

"Usami, may I taste you?" Misaki said, twisting Usami into a yoga position. Cause new prevert Misaki thinks Yoga is sexy.

"Yeah," he sighed, still blushing like Shinobu always does in these crappy stories.

So, then Misaki licked him... You can only imagine where. (And I can't tell you cause I rape the T-rating for all it's worth.) Usami instantly kicked Misaki in the gut, with his fist.*

"What the hell was that?" he yelled, corssing his legs, and freaking out like anyone would, "Don't you know, that's what tolet paper is for!"

"But... You said I could-"

"I thought you were gonna blow me, dickhead!"

The bedroom doored opened, and light flooded into the room. The **_REAL_** Usami and Misaki stood there, staring in shock at the scene.

"I'm gonna be sick," Misaki muttered, burying his face in Usami's chest.

_"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my condo?" _

-/-

**Sorry. I know, I'm an asshole. BUT SERIOULY! I repeat, I was wronged. Think I took this too far? Think I need to send the writer of AGU the link? Review. I'm willing to remove it if people think it was too far.**

**Please, don't totally label me a bitch and stop reading. I know, flaming is bad. But if you were in my shoes, you'd do something worse. Trust me. lol. I've thought about it. (:**

***Uking... I invited that word! I shall CopyRight it to keep it from being stolen as well. **  
***Much like Chuck Noris, Usami Akihiko can do anything he puts his mind to. **

**Oh, and I totally wrote this use to use the line _"No, Misaki! That's what tolet-paper is for!"_ Lol. Next story will be... About the Usami family! Yay!**


	13. Hide and Seek Gone Wrong

_The other day, my friend Troy told me about these things called Japanese Gaint Hornets. They are 3 inches long, the size of a person's thumb. However, they don't sting people. They spray poision acid at their attacker's eyes... Attacker being anyone whom looks at them the wrong way. Oh, and they live RIGHT OUTSIDE Tokyo! (And who do we know whom lives outside Tokyo? lol)_

_I did not make that up either. (40 people a year die from them a year. Look it up.)_

**Hide and Seek Gone Wrong.**

**-/-**

Haruhiko swore as he stumbled through the thick woods. He had never before gotten lost on his family's property, although he didn't explore the woods that often. But he could have sworn that his brother and Hiroki were around here somewhere. A few minutes ago, he'd even thought he'd heard giggling.

But that had been minutes, no perhaps half an hour ago. Now, not only was he lost but also starting to get rather hungry. He knew he should not have skipped breakfast, as if that mattered now. Haruhiko was not a happy camper when he was hungry.

"Akihiko?" he called, "Hiroki! Come on, this isn't funny anymore!"

But still no one answered him. And the woods were only getting more dense. It didn't help that he didn't know his way back, he'd made a few too many turns. There was no point in trying to turn around now. All he could do was keep moving forward. Though his family liked to distance themselves from the outside world, the woods couldn't last forever. And once he hit a road, surely it would be one leading back to the house.

And once he returned, Akihiko was going to get it. He was going to give him the first, and worst beating of his life. The younger Usami would regret laughing at him. Would regret not coming when he was called. What was he doing anyway? Writing, again. That was the obvious answer. That's all the boy ever did. Even when he was with his friend Hiroki, there was always a notebook in hand.

Haruhiko could never understand it. The whole thing disgusted him to a degree. The younger barely talked to him anymore, and a cold resentment was always in his gaze. He clearly thought he was better than everyone else. Well, Haruhiko would fix that. He would make sure Akihiko never again smiled happily. He'd make sure his brother's life was miserable. As long as he was alive, he intended on ruining things for Akihiko.

Back in the woods, he thought he heard something. A humming sound, he must be close to the road. He smiled, heading toward the noise.

It grew louder with every step, and soon he found himself rushing toward it. It was growing darker out, and though he wouldn't admit he was afraid of being in the forest at night, he would admit it would be harder to find anything. Not to mention, the forest wasn't thinning out. The trees were growing even closer together. If not for the buzzing noise of slight traffic, he would not have known the forest was at it's end. Soon enough, he would be on the way back home. To where his brother would be waiting, still laughing.

He could only imagine what was going on now. The family servant had probably made them hot chocolate. Hiroki was probably begging to spend the night, while Akihiko insisted they stay at his house instead. Who knew, maybe they were already being driving to the Kamijou residence. Maybe Tanaka was on his way back. Hopefully, Haruhiko would emerge from the forest to see the familiar car approaching. It was highly unlikely to work out that way. But who knew, perhaps tonight would be his lucky night.

He squinted through the dusk. No road. And yet, the noise was loudest here. There had to be a mistake! The road should be right here!

Something moved out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see shapes moving. There were so many, and they were so big! He froze, not sure what exactly to do. One flew closer, and he felt something squirt his forehead. He instantly reached to rub the burning substance away, yet only managed to spread it to his hands.

The nasty creatures moved forward, as if they would all attack. Without another thought, Haruhiko turned and ran. The sound followd him as he attempted escape. But somehow, he managed not to get squirted again.

Once the hum had dead away, and the forest was too dark to walk anymore, Haruhiko laid down and fell asleep. The nest morning, he found his way back home. He was taken to a private doctor, but there wasn't any harm done. Haruhiko vowed to never set foot in the woods again...

After that night, his hatred for Akihiko grew.

-/-

**A little different from my other stories... Maybe the fact it was a little more serious. Haruhiko just seems like a serious person! **

**Reviews are love! Haha. (I know, that's pathetic but seriously, some things I just stop writing if they don't seem to be getting attention.) Anyway, I think I have an idea for the next story... Hehe. **


	14. Uke Revenge

_Inspired mainly by my friend, Evil Gummybear Love on here. (: It's kinda 25% about me getting a review in Spanish, and 25% about how I was mistaken for a Black Man. O.o The other 50% is that, the idea of a bunch of ukes getting together and plotting revenge has been in my brain for awhile now. (:_

**Uke Revenge: PART ONE  
_Warning: ... Well, if you don't watch/read a lot of yaoi, you probably won't know many of these guys. If you do, then you probably know I'm using mainly common yaoi characters. lol. _**

-/-

"What do you think they do in there?" Miyagi asked Usami as they watched their ukes walk into the bar. Alone.

"Who knows," the writer said, touching the end of his cigarette to Miyagi's. A red glow appeared from it a moment later and he backed away from the other seme.

"I'd love to find out," a dark haired seme said.

"I'm going in!" another one said suddenly. Of course, he was soon stopped by Aikawa. She, like a good bouncer, made sure no semes snuck in unnoticed. However, she did let both Shino and Seryou from Seven Days in since neither had reached Seme/Uke stage yet.

"Oh, come on!" he protested, as she forced him out.

"I'm sorry, but you're not allowed in. Kanou, don't you forget I have Somaya on speed dial if you make trouble!"

He rolled his eyes, "You're all just a bunch of f*ggots."

"Honey, you're one of those F-words too." she said sweetly, trying not to giggle.* "Besides, you know it's Uke Night. You won't want people to think a big man like you was a uke, right? Where's your pride, huh?"

Uke Night was once a week at a local bar called _The Yaoi Connection._ Since there were _oh so many _gay men in Tokyo, it actually did fairly well in the long run. And the bar was always packed on Uke Night. And rightfully so. Ukes just weren't comfortable with semes, but with other ukes it was different. They didn't have to fear sexual harassment, and they all understood each other. Uke Night was a total "WIN."

All except for one thing, the semes hated it. Hated it with a passion.

They didn't have their own night. There wasn't really a need for it, as they didn't like meeting each other. But, they'd love to be inside the club on Uke Night. Someone had to protect their adorable ukes after all.

-/-

"So, the seme says to the uke, 'What the hell do they call that shit?' The Uke replies, 'Blow job revenge.'" Everyone laughed, giggled was actually a better word for it, as Hiroki took another sip of beer that his fanboys happily bought for him.

"Damn, I'd love to do that." Shinobu said, grinning like the evil munchkin we know and love.

"Why don't you?" Hiroki asked, his crowd moving as so they could speak.

"No f-ing way!" Misaki said, choking on his 'yaoi surprise' as he came face to face with his ex-professor. The yaoi surprise was his favorite drink, though he had no idea what was in it. Strawberry was the only thing he could identify. "You're a uke too?"

"So what? It doesn't make me less of a man!" he yelled, turning into his 'Uke Awareness Chibi' that the writer of this series has gifted him with.

"No, you're just a whore." Shinobu challenged.

"What'd you call me, brat?"

"Are you seriously denying it?" Shinobu scuffed, "My Miyagi said he saw a sex tape of you and that writer, Uso-me? Something like that! Anyway-"

Again, Misaki almost died by choking.

"Hey now, let's not fight." A geeky anime guy said, "And like Kamijou said, it doesn't make any of us less manly. We should get revenge!"

"I'm lucky to be getting any to begin with," Shuichi Shinodo, of Gravitation, spoke up, "Even though, it's always cut out of the episode thus making it nonexistent."

"Why don't you just steal his teddy bear? My guy has a stuffed elephant, but trust me, it works like a charm!" Said another pink haired boy whom switched names quite a bit.

"I can't do anything like that, I'm... Helpless." Said a blonde named Ayase. He didn't talk much, but everyone understood he had been forced into his relationship.

"That's why you need to get revenge, honey. He's just using you as a pawn."

"Kaname Kuran? What the he-"

"That's my line, you jerk!" Ciel Phantomhive said, glaring at him.

"Ciel, you're not the only one here with a pet demon. You're show's just a fad anyway," Kaname rolled his eyes, "Anyway, no I'm not a uke. I was just walking Zero to the door and overheard."

"It's true, he was just being a gentleman." Aikawa said, pushing him toward the door, "Now, Kaname, you really must be leaving. If you show up, who's to stop the other semes from coming in."

"Enough!" Shuichi Tasumi barked, silencing the room, "Are we going to come up with a pan of action here or not?" Everyone's attention had been directed to him now, and he hastily added, "Come on. Let's show them what we're made of!"

"You mean pasta and-"

"Oh, come on." Shinobu said, dramatically doing a face-palm, "Who let Italy in?"

"Yeah, get lost already!"

The poor country was then kicked out because the other ukes felt sexually threatened by him. Not to mention, jealous about Hetalia's popularity and the fact that none of them, except Shuichi Shinodo, could watch the show without feeling as if they were on hard drugs. Besides, he's too silly for this series.

"Okay, here's the plan," Hiroki's eyes gleamed as he began whispering his plot for revenge.

"That's crazy," Tomoe protested.

"Yeah, we'll get punished for this! And they probably won't even let us come back." Ayase frowned, not able to mention that his seme would personally shot everyone involved and have them dumped at the bottom of the bay.

"You know, it just may work." Shuichi Tasumi said, lost in thought, "And it would give me reason to slit Kuro-"

"Nii-chan!"

"There's just one problem," Misaki interrupted, taking back his claim as the main character. "What if Aye-kun is right and we do get caught. I mean, it'll be obvious we were involved. I really don't-"

"Take it like a man!"

"Ahem."

"I mean, take it like a uke!"

Shinobu leaned closer to Misaki, and whispering to low for anyone else to hear, said, "I'm secretly hoping we get caught."

Misaki blushed and nodded. Meanwhile, the other ukes were adding new ideas. Soon enough, a more detailed plan was formed. It seemed as if "Project G-Day" really was going to happen.

-/-

Okay, so this is just part one. (Believe it or not, this is over 1000 words.) So, the actual revenge doesn't happen until the next chapter. Yeah, more yaoi guys in the next one. :3 Gotta love 'em!

*Only Aikawa and Somaya could giggle at Kanou and not fear for their lives. lol


	15. The Stunning Conclusion

_Sorry for the long wait. I won't bother making excuses. :(_

_**Dedicated to: Evil Gummybear Love a long-time friend on this site. Be sure to check her stories out as well! **_

_**-/-**_**Project G:**

The lot was packed with people. Since 1 in every 5 anime guys is a homo, you can only imagine just how packed it was. Everything had gone according to plan thus far. Bad Luck was currently playing but would soon be replaced with SID, since it was a real J-rock band and also because the author of this story has a crush on the lead singer, Mao. Some claimed that he was straight and just sung things from the female point of view, but everyone knew that Mitsuyubi was every uke's sercet-theme-song. Plus he dated Zoro's bass player... People really need to just accept him.

The seme's had all been told this was a yaoi-fair dedicated to Shuichi Shinodou because he'd been nominated gayest anime character ever. And everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Except for a couple of writers, Usami Akihiko and Eiri Yuki whom were aruging over which of the two was gayer.

"You write fricking gay porn!" Yuki yelled.

"Excuse me, but I didn't kiss the pink-haired wonder." Usami replied, pointing at Shinodou, "And in the first episode!"

"That wasn't my idea. It was the lousy manga writer's. And trust me, I wish I could get rid of him! I've even tried suicide but nothing works!"

"You also have earrings."

"Straight men have earrings too!" Yuki protested, "And what about you? You still sleep with a teddy bear!"

"Straight men do not have both ears pierced.* And Suzuki isn't just a teddy bear! He's my inspiration! My muse." Usami's expression turned serious, "Say what you want about me, but don't you dare insult Suzuki-san!"

Nearby, Kaji and Nagi were face painting, though they were mainly painting each other, while Sebastian Michealis served drinks upon his master's order. Getting together was a great idea to many of the semes, even to Kanou. Even the anti-social Kanou had to admit some of the others were pretty cool. After only a few minutes of 'male-bonding,' aka gay-jokes, he and Miyagi were practically brothers! Though he really wished he could slap Matsuda, whom had snuck in with Light Yagami and L. He would have slapped him too, Matsuda really needed to be put in his place. However Kanou feared it would seem as though he were coming on to the annoying pest, so he stood back and made jokes with Miyagi about the other homos. You know, cause they're totally straight.

Little did any of the semes know, the warehouse beside them was used for storing biochemicals. And naturally, only Hiroki and Shuichi Tasumi, the uke ring-leaders, knew what those chemicals were. Not to mention the chemical reaction that would accure upon them being set on fire. Although, the plan would also not be complete without Shinobu and Misaki. Both of which were hiding back-stage with Hiroki and Isaki. Isaki was basically a tag-along, since no one cares about Junjou Mistake anymore. However, Hiroki was the one who'd dragged him backstage with him because, let's be honest, there was no way Shinobu was going to listen to anything Hiroki said. Especially not a plan that included leaving the 'slut' alone with his Miyagi.

"Nagi will be here in a few minutes." the professor said, exaiming his watch. He looked up a moment later, "Okay, men, any questions before we do battle?"

"Yeah, how many thongs do you own?" the little terrorist asked.

"Ryuichiro? Would you please-"

The editor nodded before saying, "Okay, you guys ready?"

Misaki gulped, "Um, I actually... um... Do I have to wear a dress?"

Both men gasped and exclaimed, "Yes!"

"You must be as big of an American Idiot as possible!" Isaki said, "Why do you think we hired Kyle to teach you?"

Kyle wasn't really an idiot, he just had the silly notion that he and his high school boyfriend would be married having 'done it' once. Though, he was American. Thus, he was a lazy idiot!

"But, why must we dress like women?"

"Well, we figure no seme is going to chase an American girl, right?" Hiroki said, adding a little 'duh' in his head.

"Come on, Misaki! It'll be great! We can even do yuri later!" Shinobu said, happily smacking Misaki's butt.

"Please don't do tha-"

"Here!" Nagi said, rushing toward them, mini-skirts and tank-tops in hand, "Sorry it took so long! Shiki was cutting some cake and-"

"Fine, fine! Just hurry up, you two!" Hiroki said, pulling the outfits from him and shoving them at the boys.

Nagi then helped them put on their wigs and make-up before they were shoved onto the stage.

The band stopped playing and the crowd looked up. Shinobu raised his AK-47, shouting, "Nobody move!"

Misaki was in the crowd, hurrying toward the warehouse before anyone could reconize him. If only Usami-san wasn't here! The he might not have had to worry.

"Oh my gosh! They're Australian!" one seme cried.

"No way, deffiantly Canadian!"

"Holy shiz!" Sumi-senpai squealed, "They're Mexican!"

Shinobu rolled his eyes. Candian was close to what they'd been going for. Australian... Not too far off for him. But Mexican? How-

Misaki threw open the warehouse door, roaring, "For Sparta!"

A tank crashed through the wall. A uke named Taki Reizen was inside, 'rawr'-ing his head off.* He shot the warehouse with... something really, really powerful! It instantly caused the vats of Tasumi-knows-what aflame.

-/-

The semes had all passed out. The ukes, on the other hand, had been warned not to drink the lemonade. Once the semes had breathed in the strange gas, the chemicals reacted with those in the lemonaide causeing them to pass out. It worked faster than they'd expected and Misaki and Shinobu were able to make their escape in Kanou's limo driven by the infamous Homare much faster.

The only fault in Hiroki's master plan soon made itself shown.

They had no idea what to do with the semes now that they were knocked out.

"Hey, my plan stopped when they passed out!" Hiroki yelled, looking up at Shuichi.

"Don't look at me!" he replied, long hair swishing behind him, "I thought you had something big planned!"

The ukes all thought for a couple of minutes. Unable to come up with something fast, they decided to simply strip the semes and leave them there. Why not? They'd all woken up naked on many occassions! The semes were lucky they didn't attempt putting anything in their butts! That was just what they deserved!

"Hey, Hiro-sama?" a young uke named Shizuru asked suddenly, "I don't have to... Ah, touch... Er, undress that Matsuda guy, right? No one else wants to and he's... kinda... really gross."

"Good gods! We'd never force anyone to do that! Of course you don't have to even look at that thing! The stupid might rub off!" Hiroki said.

"Leave him, I mean _it_ there," Mello told them before sliding Matt's Kirby-thong off his legs.*

"Hey, after this, let's all go to Sears!" someone suggested.

"Yeah!" everyone agreed.

-/-

An hour later, the semes began waking up. They were confused and soon realized they could not remember a thing that had happened. They didn't even remember the Yaoi-Fair nor the Canadan/Australian/Mexican girls.

Matsuda blushed looking around at all the naked men around him. He almost began to cry upon realizing only his clothing hadn't been removed.

Knaou and Miyagi shared a brief look. Each had a faint memory of talking with the other. They flushed ((Only semes flush. Ukes blush)) and looked away.

Nowaki was glaring at Akihiko, sure he had something to do with this mess. He blamed everything on both Miyagi and Usami and wasn't surprised when he saw the mutt, Professor You, in the crowd as well. In his heart he knew they had something to do with it. They planned the whole thing! But why...?

After many nerious glances and awkward movements, they all quickly began filtering out. Someone descovered some cowboy and biker costumes thrown aside by the dumpster. Dressing in the trashy clothes... Well, dressing in trash technically, they left their dignity behind and headed home where most cried... Yes, it turns out semes actually can cry.

-/-

**Well, that's the terrible 2nd half! Sorry... I don't know why it sucks so hard... (Blame Matsuda) **

**Anyway, I have a challenge for you guys! If I get 50+ reviews within a couple weeks, you guys get a special chapter! Chapter 15, if you all review, will sorta be a parody of a new show I saw on MTV. It's a bunch of supposedly straight men living together. Two to each room, one bed.  
Hiroki and Akihiko will relive past memories, Misaki and Shinobu get some nice one-on-one time and Nowaki and Miyagi... Well, that's a story for ya! Oh, and in the middle of the night, Snookie sets Sumi free to roam the house! **

*Ironically, I once dated a guy with both ears pierced...  
*Inside joke... Go on photobucket, type in 'taki-sama' and find the pics of him taken from the manga. Yeah, those are mine... Anyway, there's a ton of Taki go rawr pics. That's where the joke is from. (Don't ask... My friends and I are strange! lol)  
*If you haven't read the epic 'Bitch stepped on my floorcake' by xXKanpekiXx you really need to! Trust me it is amazing! And involves Matt's Kirby thong and him doing DDR nude!


	16. Real Housewives of Tokyo Bay

_Okay, well I'm a little disappointed that out of 500 people, few of you actually reviewed. All well, I've stated this before, I write for myself. If you don't want the special, it's okay. I'm not going to get all bent out of shape. (By the way, for those who asked the show I was going to do was "The totally Not Gay Experience" but I think that shows makes fun of gay people so you may not be interested.) _

_Anyway, this is Junjou Romantica meets "Real" Housewives of New Jersey. _

-/-

Aikawa smiled at the camera and read from her clipboard, "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you this evening. Although no one really wanted to do the show, we will still be bringing you the long-awaited 'Real housewives of Tokyo Bay!' With a few last minute chances!"

The screen suddenly changed to show a group of three young men and three really old men. It zoomed in on adorable brunette with green eyes. The name 'Misaki' appeared underneath him along with the words 'Housewife and Student.'

Usami was next. Except under his name was written, 'Horny old man.'

Next came Nowaki whom was labeled 'Doctor and Housewife.' And Hiroki, 'Whore.' Miyagi, 'Pedobear.' And finally, Shinobu, 'Cabbage Assassin and Terrorist.'

The screen went blank before showing a Condo located in the middle of Tokyo. "Usami household" flashed on top of it.

"_My day starts with making breakfast and getting to class," _Misaki said, the camera suddenly showing the college student cooking something. _"Usually Usagi-san interrupts me and rapes me. But today he must be sleeping in." _

He'd barely had time to speak before a grumpy gray haired man wandered into the living room carrying a giant stuffed bear.

"Good morning, Usagi-san." Misaki said.

The monster with the teddy grunted and moved to sit down.

"He's been up all night writing," Misaki said cheerfully, "He's actually really famous. But if the world knew what he was really like, I doubt he'd get all those awards."

The creepy couple (Usagi- monster from the black lagoon; Misaki-freak on a leash) ate quickly and headed out the door.

"_Usagi insists on driving me to school. It's totally embarrassing! I mean, he drives a foreign sports car! Everyone gives me weird looks."_

The car stops outside of the university and Misaki quickly steps out. He taps his foot a couple of times, waiting for Usami-san to get out and kiss the top of his head before he heads to class.

"_Did you see how those guys look at me?"_ Misaki asked the camera once Thing One was back in the car, _"They think I'm a freak and it's all Usagi-san's fault for driving that damned Bright Red Sports Car from Italy!"_

The camera crew follows Misaki into the school where he runs into the evil Sumi-senpai. They head to class, chatting about Sumi's new boyfriend.

"_I really like Sumi; he's like my best friend. But I know he isn't serious about any of the guys he dates and that he's plotting to take my man. I mean, he's a great friend but he's a back-stabber!"_ Misaki complained to the camera.

"Bitch, let's go shopping later."

"Okay, I just got to ask Usami-san."

"_That's another thing I hate." _He continued,_ "I always have to ask before I go somewhere. It's like he doesn't trust me! I know there's been a few times where I've gotten into a stranger's car but they actually did have candy!"_

**Meanwhile at the Kamijou household:**

"_I'm sort of like the stay at home husband." _A black hair man began,_ "I have two jobs but during the day I'm here. Hiroki works during the day so we really don't see each other that often."_

He cooked some eggs before going into the bedroom, "Wake up, Hiro-san~" he sang.

This 'Hiro-san' muttered darkly.

"Well, there's only thing that can wake him up at this point." Nowaki sighed, grapping a **** ((This story has a T-Rating! Use your imagination!)) off the floor and began poking the sleeping man in the buttocks.

"Not now, Nowaki! Make me my…" He yawned, "Fucking fish filet first."

Nowaki smiled at the camera, "Hiro-san talks in alliteration in his sleep."

"Are you talking to yourself again?" Hiroki said, sitting up. He was one of those guys that were adorable no matter how old they got to be.

"No, my precious." He said, "Now come on and get ready for school."

After turning into a psycho once he saw the camera crew and beating Nowaki half to death, Hiroki returned to being the prefect angel he was. They kissed non-too-quickly and he headed to work. Leaving Nowaki to clean up the food he hadn't eaten along with the rest of the house. Since this was all extremely boring housewife behavior, we're going to cut to a later time.

**After School: **

"_Okay, so I saw Usami Akihiko outside of the school," _Nowaki said,_ "Now, call me paranoid but he's going to try to take my Hiro-san away. Even though he likes younger men and is sleeping with a college student, I promise you it's his twisted fantasy to take Hiro-san!"_

"Excuse me? What did you say about my family?"

"I said you're trash!" Nowaki yelled back.

"No, your boyfriend is trash!" a blonde screamed, said boyfriend holding him by his ear while single-handedly writing an office-referral.

"Come on now, let's everybody calm down." Miyagi said. When no one listened to him he shook his head and muttered, "Man, I need a cigarette."

"_The fight was pretty crazy," _Misaki said later,_ "I had just walked out of the school and I see some jerk hitting my Usagi-san! I was so angry, because I know he's just going to take his stress out on me later."_

"Why the heck do you think I want Hiroki? He's not all that great in bed that I'd just ignore the fact that he's old."

Nowaki threw a punch at the author before glomping his demon lover.

"You're cabbage," Shinobu growled at Kamijou-sensei.

"I seriously need a cigarette."

"Bitch, get off of me!"

"_I wasn't even the fight, but I know that a couple guys lost their teeth."_ Misaki later said dramatically.

"I hate you, slut!"

"Don't you talk about my family!"

"Please! Can I please just get one cigarette?"

"_I don't know how everything suddenly turned into Tokyo Bay Shore,"_ the college dean told us later, _"But I promised the media that it won't happen again. To assure the public of this, we've banned two of the men responsible since they aren't even students. Whether Kamijou or You-sensei will be fired depends on what the school board thinks. I'm afraid that's all I can say at the present."_

"Well that was fun," Akihiko said as he drove Misaki back home, "I hope we can do it again tomorrow."

"Usagi-san, you were banned from the school grounds. You won't be allowed to drive me to or from school anymore."

"Sure I will," the author said, "You're forgetting how insanely rich I am."

Misaki suddenly frowned."

**Commercial Break: **

Do you like The Real Housewives of Tokyo Bay? Are you pumped for more crazy Tokyo Bay fun? Well, Mwac-whatever-the-hell-it's-called Publishing house brings you, Tokyo Bay Shore! That's right, a newer, younger cast of guys that love to party!

"Actually, we're in college now. So we're not that much younger." A dark haired cutie said, "And I don't know if you could call it partying…"

"My brother Shuichi scares me," a cute little boy with glasses said, "When he's angry, he'll kill anything."

"I'm so pissed off! That fricking homo guy gave me drugs and then took advantage of me. I'm going to tear him limp from limp and sell his body parts on the black market!" A longer haired dude whom looked sort of girly exclaimed.

"I'm a whore!" said yet another guy, "You can call me Hiroki-Misaki-love child! Aka, Misaki jr."

If action and romance is what you're looking for, look no further than Tokyo Bay Shore! Coming soon to AMVTV!

**Back to the show!**

**The You Residence:**

"Oh," Miyagi gasped, "I didn't realize you were home." It's obvious he ran all the way to his apartment.

"Yep, my dad told me not to come back. I guess I can't really argue. I don't even go to school there."

"What's for dinner?" he asked with dread.

"Cabbage and rice soup."

"How about we go out to eat?"

"Like on a date?"

"Yeah, sure. Let's go."

-/-The Kamijou Apartment:

"Okay, I'll admit I might have been a little bit tipsy. But I had a right to be, I might have been fired!"

The camera zooms into Hiroki drinking what must be his fourteenth beer. He then rips his shirt off and begins dirty dancing with a camel statue that has randomly appeared in the room.

"Dance with me, Alejandro!" he shouts.

Nowaki rushes into the room a few minutes later and is only slightly shocked by what he sees.

"Hiro-san!" he cries, "We have a serious problem!"

"Problem?" he asked, a wicked smile lighting his face, "I'm sure I can fix it for you. Yes I can!"

The doctor slapped him twice, because you know, that totally snaps a person into being sober.

The demon with the face of an angel blinked twice before saying, "Good gods, I was totally out of it. What did you just say?"

"We have a problem! Me and all the other interns just had our blood checked today, Hiro-san, I have the HIV virus!"

The professor slapped him, "Nowaki, you fool! You just said you had the Human Immuno-deficiency Virus, Virus, that doesn't make sense! You need to fricking work on your grammar!"

"Hiro-san, you need to get checked immediately."

"Oh, right! Okay!"

**Two hours later: **

"_Okay, so apparently I have a life threatening disease." Hiroki said, shrugging, "Who cares? I mean, I don't know why they're making it into such a big deal."_

"_Hiro-san! That's a huge deal!"_

"_Anyway, then the doctor wanted me to get in touch with everyone I'd slept with since becoming sexually active. And that's my fricking business, you know? So I told him, dude back off. Who I sleep with isn't your concern. And of course Nowaki took the doctors side and made me write down everyone. Do you know, it took me two hours? I've been sexually active since I was 8, that's a lot of people to bloody force me to write down. And in the end, they decide to only use the ones from the past ten years? What a rip off!"_

"_It wouldn't have taken so long if you hadn't taken the time to write down all the nasty ass details."_

"_Hey, my ass is not nasty! You seem to like it enough!" _

"_I'm reconsidering whether I like it or not."_

"_Wanna see me in a hospital gown?" _

"_Hell yeah!" _

**The Terrorist Couple: **

"_So, we were out on a nice little date," _Shinobu started.

"_We'd just placed our orders in the McDonalds drive through." _Miyagi clarified.

"_And that slut Kamijou calls! And next thing I know, Miyagi is turning the car around in the line and driving off. I wasn't really angry cause I figured he was taking me to a nice hotel. But then, we show up at the hospital and I find out we have to get checked out for AIDs because Miyagi's been exposed to that slut's blood who-knows-what-else." _

"_I told you, he got a paper cut!"_

"_Yeah, well you owe me more than a McChicken for this." _

**The Usami Household: **

"_Okay, so I'm home from school. The first time I do once Usagi-san goes to his room is start searching for his yaoi. He's been getting really creative with hiding his porn lately. The other day, I was going to watch Lord of the Rings and the DVD wasn't ever in there. But of course, a bloody signed copy of Okane Ga Nai was. I never know where I'm going to find it!" _

The camera shows Misaki looking around the house. He goes into the kitchen and says, "Bingo!"

"Hey, Usami! Come down here for a minute!"

"What?" the author says, appearing a few minutes later.

"Do you know where I found this?"

"No," he says, a puzzled look on his face.

"It was in our toaster."

"How the hell did it get in our toaster?"

"I was hoping you could explain that for me." Misaki said, putting his hands on his hips.

"I don't know."

"Well it didn't just crawl in there!"

"Are you sure?" Akihiko asks, pointing out little glued on legs.

"Holy shit!" Misaki yelled, "It did crawl in there!" He tossed the book down and backed away.

"It's okay, I'll take care of this. Don't you worry."

"I'm so sorry I accused you of hiding porn, Usami!" Misaki said, "I should have realized it was a mutant!"

"It's okay, Misaki. You can make this up to me later tonight." He said, "For now, I'm going to kill this little pest and throw it out. I better do it in my office, it might get angry when I pull its legs off. Don't worry, I'll even buy some yaoi-traps tomorrow. You won't need to worry about having them in your kitchen ever again."

"Oh thank you!" Misaki said, "You're such a good guy!"

"Again, you don't need to thank me yet. I might not be able to kill it since I haven't had my Misaki in a few hours."

"Will that really help you kill it?"

"Yes, Misaki, it will."

The boy paused, "Okay, take me here in the kitchen. Anything to get rid of those things!"

**Credits: **

Opening song: Hana=kimi by Pigstar.

Ending song: Umbrella by Scott Simons

Special Guests: Sumi-senpai, college student; Japan.

Special Thanks To: Aikawa for pulling a cast together at the last minute.

Advertisement: Koisuru Boukun, second OVA is out… Somewhere.

**And now for something completely different:**

Takahiro flicked his TV off and turned to his wife, "That was a nice little show wasn't it?"

"Honey, wasn't that our child's-"

"Yeah! And they were on TV! Isn't that so cool!" Takahiro smiled, "I should call Usami and tell him that we just watched their show!"

"Dear, are you sure that such a good idea. Maybe it's best we just pretend we didn't see this."

"Why?" he asked, confused.

"Well, there was… Inappropriate things going on in that house!"

"Well of course, weren't you paying attention? Misaki has to lose his virginity to get rid of yaoi monsters. I can't say I approve and Usami helping and getting him a girl but hey, I wouldn't want those things in my house!"

"I see…" his wife said, thinking for a moment. She knew her husband was a complete idiot but it wasn't until today that she realized something else. His kid brother was even more brain-dead. Perhaps she'd married into the wrong family.

-/-

**Well, here is where I leave you. Hope we meet again soon! (:  
Maybe my next short story will be about Misaki and Akihiko really trying to get rid of the yaoi monsters! Lol.**


	17. Biologically Gay

_Being biologically gay. That's what we talked about the other day in Bio-Chem. I hate myself for doubling up in science because the classes are advanced and require actual studying. Sadly, this means less and less writing time. :(_

_Anyway, I couldn't stop wondering how Misaki would react if he were sitting in my class._

-/-Biologically Gay

"Quick! Check me!" Misaki said as Shinobu slammed shut his apartment door.

"No, cheak me first!" the other yelled, kneeling down.

Earlier, Misaki had made a frantic phone-call from the university. Once again they'd had the strange dark-haired doctor filling in. Only this time, he was there to explain some biology. Why? Well, there were some kid-geniuses who'd just entered puberty and their Christian parents felt the school should explain things to the teens. Seeing as everyone already treated the kids like the freaks they were, the Chairmen and women decided to have every class cover it.

Therefore, once again Dr. Kusama was joining the class and happily explained everything about birthing a child and such. Well, happily until one of the little buggers asked, "Why, if we all devolp about the same, do girls have 'girl parts' and boys 'guy parts.'"

This led to chromosomes and hormones. And from there, it went South.

"Well, sometimes they don't develope right and a baby with x and y chromosomes will be born as a female."

The class erupted. A boy being born a girl's body? What kind of gay nonsense was this? Surely, they all had the correct chromosomes!

"Well it has been known to happen."

Girls sheirked! Boys reached into their pants to make sure their junk was still there and functioning! Sumi cried tears of the joy of realizing, he truly had been born a homosexual. Now his father could never talk him out of wearing those fancy skirks on the weekend anymore! Misaki's cheeks were on fire. He felt he may vomit.

Then one of the kid Ensteins asked, "Is there any way to check for this?"

"Oh, well yes there is actually." Kusama-sensei said, the class breathing a sigh of relief. "You could go to the hospital but there's other characteristics of it but surely, no one wants to hear about that."

Almost everyone in the class begged loudly.

"Well, a male whose hair... Well, look at the base of your head. Everyone's hair grows a swirl. A guy whose hair grows in a counterclockwise direction might, and I mean MIGHT genetically be a women."

That's when Kamijou returned, nose still in some old leather-bond novel. He didn't even glance up once as he headed to his desk.

Misaki called Shinobu immediately after the little disaster. Now, the two boys were checking each others' heads like maniacs.

"Ah, Shinobu, which way is clockwise?"

It took the boy a moment, but he eventually started circling a finger.

"Holy shit!" Misaki gasped.

"What, what!" Shinobu asked, afraid of the truth.

"There's stuff crazed into the back of your head!"

"What?"

"Yeah, I think it's French or something! Jay, jay, jay." ((G sounds like jay in French. And if you have crappy handwriting like Misaki, a 6 looks like a G.)) "Does that mean anything to you?"

"Not really. So, how's my hair? What direction is it growing in."

In the end, neither Misaki or Shinobu knew which way was clockwise. However, they also figured, it didn't matter anyway. It was for the best that they remained ignorant. Did gender really mater anyway?

Besides, what would they tell their semes! 'Yeah, guess what? I found out I was a chick today. So, what's for dinner?'

What would Misaki tell his brother? Regradless of the fact he never talked to his brother anyway. He didn't want to be judged by his imaginary friend- er, his brother...

So, they decided to forget about what they'd learned and watched Tokyo Bay until Miyagi came home and Misaki remembered that he should have been home hours ago. Usagi would probably think he'd been kidnapped. Again. He wondered how points he racked up before realizing he was luckily his seme wasn't like M-bow. Sure, his seme would want to mess around but that was okay, because it'd be like book 12 where they had to add Egoist at the end just to make sure it maintained it's M-rating.

**Well, hope this wasn't too terrible. It's late, so all mistakes are completely going without fixing until tomorrow if I feel like editing. The sceince-y crap is probably all screwed up because I'm half-asleep. Look it up yourself, I'm gonna go take a nap! Next story will be about Minium!**


	18. Omegle Surprises

_I lied! Mini will be the next story! _

-/-

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: Hey, asl?

Stranger: Hi!

Stranger: 19, male, Japan. U?

You: 25, male, Japan. Lol. Don't talk to many guys on here.

Stranger: Irk! It's always annoying fake emo chicks and old horny men!

You: Seriously!

Stranger: So, where in Japan do you live.

You: Toyko Bay Area. What about you?

Stranger: Well, I've lived in 3 countries so far, but right now I'm living near Toyko.

You: You're 17 but you've lived in 3 different countries?

Stranger: Yes, on 3 different contenets.

You: BS.

Stranger: It's true!

You: All right then.

Stranger: So, what do you do?

You: Oh, I'm still in school.

Stranger: That's cool, me too. I'm majoring in Lit.

You: Really? Same here.

Stranger: No way.

You: Yes way.

Stranger: Yeah, and I'm Hamlet.

You: You're an insane man whom talks to skulls?

Stranger: lol. Maybe we both do major in it.

You: Yep.

Stranger: You dating?

You: Are you interested?

You: O.o

Stranger: No!

You: O.O

Stranger: I just wondered. I'm trying to figure out if you're one of those horny old men who get on there cause they can't get any in real life.

You: No, I'm here to talk to strangers, duh.

You: I'm married.

Stranger: Haha. You're loss, man!

You: Not really.

Stranger: Oh, ways that?

You: Cause the sex is really, really good.

Stranger: Lmao! It musta been if you got married!

You: Damn right, brat.

Stranger: ... Don't call me that, okay?

You: Why?

Stranger: Just don't.

You: All right. :)

Stranger: (:

You: Ha ha.

You: You single?

Stranger: No... Well, it's complacated.

You: I understand, my relationship was pretty touch too.

Stranger: Dude, there's no way you could understand.

You: My lover left me for a year to study in America, and didn't even tell me he was leaving.

You: *SHE!

You: I meant 'she!'

Stranger: Dude, I don't care either way. lol

Stranger: Anyway...

*Stranger is typeing*

Stranger: The person I'm in love was in love with my brother, but then they broke up. Not to mention, there's a huge age differnce! Half the time, I don't know wheather I'm being played or if I'm actually loved.

You: Wow... I still sorta do get you're going through though.

Stranger: I doubt that.

You: 4 year age difference. Beat it.

Stranger: 17 year age difference.

You: BS.

Stranger: I'm serious.

You: Really now? O.o

Stranger: Yes.

Stranger: Hey, can I ask ya something?

You: Sure, what?

Stranger: Do you ever feel like everyone is connected somehow?

Stranger: Like, everyone knows someone, whose friends with someone else, whose related to someone, whose then dating you. Or something like that?

You: Yeah. It IS a pretty small world we got here.

Stranger: Think we've met?

You: Probably. What's you name?

Stranger: Shinobu. Not telling you my last name.

You: My name's Bob.

**You have disconnected**

Hiroki closed out of the chatroom quickly. Looking up, he could see that Miyagi was still at his desk. He didn't know.

He breathed a sigh of relief before texting Nowaki, 'I'll be home soon.'

Miyagi glanced up at him as he went to grab his coat.

"You alright, Kamijou? You look like you've seen a ghost." He asked, laughing a bit.

"I'm fine, just realized how late it was getting to be." Hiroki said, pulling on his jacket. He paused before he left, "Hey, you may wanna call it a night. I have a funny feeling that Shinobu's bored."

He quickly slammed the door and bolted down the hallway before Miyagi could catch up and ask him what he meant. He had a "husband" to go home to, after all. A real-live person that he didn't have to exagerate to. One whom could actually hold and keep him warm. Who needed strangers on the internet? He had all he needed back home.

-/-

**If you're not familliar with Omegle, it's a site where you "talk to strangers." Most of the time, you run into preverted old men who just wanna have virtual sex with you. But every once in awhile, you may just run into an old friend. **

**Wanna learn now to get rid of cyber-preves? Check out my deviantart page! (Link in my profile/same screen name) Go into the gallery, find "fun with Omegle" and prepare to laugh.**


	19. Crack Don't Even Cover It

_Okay, so awhile ago I said I was going to do a story on Minimum. The thing is, it turned all serious on me at the last minute. (It was about preteen Hiroki coming out of the closet.) _

_Also, the __**"Christmas Special" **__is on __**youtube.**__ Look up either my tag _TroysABitch_ or _Nowakistar_. Also, you could try searching my username: _RhiannonVampire.

_As a gift to everyone who actually reads this junk, leave me a post on my forum if you'd like some epic fan-serve. This will be open until the end of January. Hope everyone had an amazing holiday! _

**-/- Crack doesn't even cover it:**

Usami Akihiko wasn't very fond of family reunions. Nor was he looking forward this one in particular. However, his father insisted that he had to attend. Otherwise, he claimed Haruhiko would be paying them a little visit. Immature yes, but Akihiko wasn't about to let his brother come creeping into his house. It was bad enough when his father did it. And Misaki would never deny anyone entrance to the apartment.

"Stay in the car, okay?" Akihiko said, seeing Misaki sink further into the car-interior.

"Got it." The boy said, pulling a hat over his head like he had the last time the Usami's met.

"And remember, if anyone offers you candy-"

"Don't do it." Misaki nodded.

"Remember, if you take it I won't buy you ice-cream later." He said, just to be sure. Misaki was pretty clueless after all.

"Yes, Usagi!"

"Okay, well I'll be back in a couple minutes." He got out of the car and slammed the door without a backwards glance. He wished vaguely that cars had 'child locks' in the front seat doors as well as the back. He would have to meet this fast.

As soon as he'd entered, Akihiko knew he'd been set up. His old friend Hiroki was there, along with his lover. Misaki's friend Shinobu and Miyagi were there as well. There was even a couple guys he didn't know. What the hell?

"There's something I need to tell you Usami…" Hiroki began, "I kinda, sorta have an STD."

Usami blinked twice, "What?"

"Yeah, so go get your lover out of the car so we can all be tested."

Usami had no idea how to react. He'd come here thinking it was a family reunion… What the hell was happening?

He found himself in the parking lot minutes later. Miyagi was helping him along, muttering comforting things to his friend. Getting Misaki to open the door for him was a hassle. The boy was convinced he wasn't Akihiko and was inside a twin brother or something. Only after Usami threatened to 'take him' there in the parking lot did he get out.

"This makes no sense, why is Professor Kamijou here?" Misaki asked, "Don't tell me, you two are actually related."

"Misaki, be quiet." He said, "We're going to be checked for STDs or STVs or whatever they're calling them now."

"Why?"

"Because AIDs kills hundreds of people every year. Mostly women but if there's a chance that Hiroki has it then most of us are fucking screwed."

"Serves you right." Hiroki said, "The crisis we're in right now is all your fault."

"Me?" he asked.

"Haven't you notice all the new CDs this year have been compete crap?"

Akihiko's eye narrowed, "I thought you stopped listening to A-Rock, Hiroki."

"First it was My Chemical Romance with their new CD, then Linkin Park and Breaking Benjamin. All of their new albums are a complete waste!"

"I still don't see how this is my-"

"Yes, it's your cousin, Usagi. You know, the one married to that music producer. He signed off on that stupid band, Bad Luck. Well, he's also in charge of multiple American companies."

"Oh, I forget about her."

"How could you? Her brother, Yuki, and you are top completers in the writing world."

"I haven't talked to her since she stole my car and crashed it into a building. And he's her brother-in-law, thank you. There's no way a Usami would ever date a complete idiot like that Shuichi kid."

"Usagi, where's my ice-cream?" Misaki asked, changing into an adorable chibi.

"Later, honey! This is grown-up talk."

"I'm hungry." He protested.

"No, Usami's don't date complete idiots, do they?" Kamijou asked with a laugh.

"Shinobu," Miyagi whispered, "What's A-rock?"

"It's American Rock. Over there they call normal rock, J-rock."

"Oh, I see."

"Though I don't see why Hiroki is complaining. I thought Taylor Swift's new album was pretty frigging epic." Shinobu said with a shrug.

Miyagi only nodded, as he had no idea what Shinobu was talking about.

It was about this time that Akihiko Usami's phone began ringing.

"Dad?" he asked, having recognized the number.

"Mwa-ha-ha! By now you've probably noticed no one's there!"

"Well, actually…"

"You've been punked! By an old man! Don't you feel stupid now?" the 'old man' laughed some more and then hung up.

"Well, I suppose I oughta call my brother. I think it's time we finally put him in a home."

"Wise choice." One of the guys he didn't know said.

"Always, I'm going to stick a needle in your arm now." Nowaki said, happily stabbing his old rival in the arm. "Ops, I missed the vain." He said, stabbing Usagi-san a second time.

-/-

"Well, it appears you do not have AIDs." Nowaki said, "None of you."

Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief.

"See, I told you it'd be fine." Hiroki said.

"Cause Kamijou only takes it in the-"

"Shinobu!" Miyagi clamped a hand over the boy's mouth, "That's not polite."

"It's true," Nowaki said, nodding.

"Then how come you have it too?" Misaki asked, stilling wondering when he'd get his ice-cream.

"That's private information!" his professor snapped.

"Let's go," Shinobu sighed, "I don't really want to hear this." Miyagi had let him go after the little terrorist had nipped his hand.

"Yeah, the plot to this thing is totally nonexistent. I'm out too." Akihiko said, taking Misaki by a leash and following the other pairing. He and Misaki then got into the car, where the cute little uke was taking advantage of, and then headed home, where Misaki was again jumped.

-/-

**Sorry. I was drinking caffeine. That's totally excuse for this stupid story enough. Anyway, FANSERVICE and HOLIDAY SPECIAL. If you didn't read the top, go do it! **


	20. True BloodCrack Chapter

_This story was actually meant to be a short story but it got too long. This here is a spoof of what is currently the first chapter. _

"**Holiday" Fan-Service for everyone who comments what they'd like to see on my forum.**

-/-**True Blood:**

"That's right, you little punk!" Professor Kamijou screamed, 'drop kicking' one of his students. In the classroom, this would be highly inappropriate. However, out in the streets, during a 'game' of Blster, it was more than expected that he pound the living day-lights out of anyone who challenged him.

His opponent fell to the ground, landing on his back. The crowd cheered, elated by the quite victory. One voice stood out among them. It seemed Nowaki had come to watch him fight again.

"Hey, Hiro-san," he said later, "Would you mind if I came over?"

"Don't bother."

"Alright, I'll bring some solids. That why we can eat together."

"I told you 'no.'"

"See you at 18:00 then!" Nowaki called, already walking away.

"Idiot," Hiroki shook his head in disapproval. He was the undefeated 'Bitch Prince' of Blster. Everyone it seemed wanted a piece of him, whether it was in a good way or bad. Nowaki and he had been best friends since they'd met in the orphanage. And they'd remained friends even after that. However, that didn't mean Kamijou wanted to hang out with him all the time! That guy just didn't know when to quit!

He walked home alone, slightly tired from the street fight he'd just engaged in. His apartment was crammed with books and it took him a few moments to navigate his way over to his room, which was relatively neat compared to the others. After closing his door and falling into bed, he easily fell into unconsciousness.

He was awoken some time later by a knocking at the door. He wrote it off as Nowaki, whom had somehow lost his key. It wasn't until he heard the door being broken down did he stir. He was rubbing his eyes when he heard a shout and the crash of several books hitting the ground. Two man barged into his room a few minutes later. The first was instantly nailed in the head by the book Hiroki'd been cuddling. It had been meant for Nowaki. The man fell to the ground, twitching a bit. Hiroki's skill would be enough to have killed the man if he'd really wanted.

The second man grabbed him before he could get a hold of another heavy volume. He held the now defensless Kamijou down. It wasn't very difficult. Hiroki may be tough, but muscle was something he lacked greatly. Save for the muscles in his throwing arm of course.

"Do it quickly, alright? My boyfriend will be here any minute." He said, bowing his head in defeat.

There was a long awkward silence before the man said, "I'm a cop. Kamijou-san, I'm here to arrest you for murder."

"Oh… I kind of liked the primary option."

"Sir, I'm not here to rape you."

"That can be arranged."

"No, I'm afraid it cannot. I must take you to prison. I'm sure the guys down-town will fulfill your sick desires."

"Oh, I'm sure they'll _fill_ it alright."

-/-

As if the ride to the station wasn't uncomfortable enough, it became somewhat worse when the other police man woke up and began claiming Hiroki had beaten him with a crowbar.

_He wouldn't be so ashamed of being taken out with only a book if he remembered who he was dealing with! I am the Bitch Price after all,_ Hiroki thought with a smile. His smile vanished a few moments later when the same cop handcuffed him to a chair and proceeded to slap him every time he pleaded his innocence. However he was still found guilty, without there actually having been a trial.

As promised, he was thrown into a small cell with several horny buff men. Of course, as soon as they realized he enjoyed their naughty ideas they all moved to the other side of their enclosure.

"Kamijou Hiroki, you've got a visitor." A guard called, an hour later.

"Probably his boyfriend." One inmate joked.

Kamijou sent him a wink before leaving to meet whomever was calling upon him. He was guided to a smaller room where a woman and man* were waiting for him.

"Kamijou-Sama," the women began, rising to greet him. She nudged the man to her left a couple of times before he too stood. "I am Aikawa-san and this is Isaki-san. We've heard a great deal about you."

"Oh," he said, not exactly sure what to make of the situation. He sat down and gestured for his 'guests' to do the same. His chair was rather uncomfortable and he noticed just before being seated what appeared to be blood on the edge.

"We hear you're an excellent fighter and believe we could use you." Aikawa said, smiling and sweeping a strand of hair from her face.

"For what exactly?"

"Well, you see it's oblivious you won't be getting out of this dump-"

"I told everyone already, I didn't kill that kid! Even though he had ghastly penmanship and used atrocious grammar!" the professor of Literature scoffed, "Once, he handed an essay in, late of course, with all kinds of 'text language' and run-on sentences you wouldn't believe! I mean, there's a difference between a complex sentence and a run-on and this kid was king of the run-on sentences! You know what, I'm glad he's gone! The world won't suffer the loss of another mindless teenager!" *

"That, Kamijou, is probably why they believe you killed him."

"I only wish I could have been given that reward."

"Regardless of your innocence or not, you will still be found guilty, that is if you even see trial, and will either be given a life-sentence or the death-sentence."

"One would be just as unpleasant as the other."

"Precisely," Isaki spoke up, "Now, what Aikawa is trying to get at here is this: we can get you out."

"Bull," Hiroki said, though hope was shining in his eyes.

"It's true, we're willing to make a deal with you." The other man said, leaning forward. "You will be cleared of all charges if you do this for us. And once you've finished, you will be awarded freedom."

"What is it you want in return?"

"Missionary."

"Isaki-san!" Aikawa exclaimed, punching him lightly, "Don't joke like that!"

"Oh, what's life without a little fun?"

"All you have to do," Aikawa began, ignoring her companion, "Is enter Igra and beat the Il-Re."

Kamijou's eyes widened, "You've got to be kidding me. You can't expect me to survive in there!"

"Kamijou-Sensi, you're a master at Blster. The Brat Prince they call you."

"It's Bitch Prince, actually."

"Anyway, there's got to be something behind that! You have to win, because there's no one else that can win! I've seen you fight and I know you're not someone to back down. I know you can win!" Aikawa had risen to her feet as she spoke. She seemed to realize it then and slowly took her place beside Isaki once more. "You've got to do it. No one else can."

-/-

Hiroki had been given fifteen minutes to gather everything he'd need from his apartment before being taken to the border into Toshima, known before as Tokyo.*

Nowaki was waiting at his doorway when he and Asahina, the man sent to 'guard' him, got there.

"Hiro-san?" he asked, eyes narrowing on Asahina.

"It's a long story."

"No speaking!"

"Oh, come on!" Hiroki protested, "I could be killed tomorrow, don't I even get to say good-bye?"

"I don't it's a good-"

"What the hell is going on?" Nowaki interrupted. He felt the urge to grab his Hiro-san and run but his lover had a strange look on his face. This man wasn't the threat. Nowaki didn't need to worry about him.

"I-"

"I cannot allow you to tell him any information that must be kept private."

"Look dude, I was just going to say 'I love you, man.' I'm not going to spill any great secrets! Now, if you don't mind, I think we should say our good-byes in private. We're on terms where we cannot properly part ways in public."

"I see…" Asahina nodded after a moment and said, "Understood. Yaoi moment is approved."

"Don't worry, we won't be more than five minutes!" Hiroki called other his shoulder, "My friend here is kind of new to this!"

"Hiro-san!"

"What's life without a little humor?" he laughed, dragging Nowaki by the elbow. Once inside, he turned serious. "I'm entering the Igra."

"What?"

"It's the only way I could get out of prison. Besides, I've heard the men in Toshima are frisky."

"But, Hiro-san, you're innocent aren't you?"

"It doesn't matter, I hurt a cop. They'll fry me for that no doubt."

"You beat up a cop?"

"I didn't beat him up! I just hit him with a book, which was meant for you by the way! If you'd have shown up earlier- No, wait! I didn't ever tell you the worst part, the second one tried to rape me, Nowaki. All because ,you weren't there to protect me."

"I'm so sorry, Hiro-san."

"Well, you'll be real sorry when I kill the Il-Re and come back. Because after that I'm free, and I'll be coming after you, buddy!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!"

"Well, since you're sexy, I'll think about it." Hiroki said, grinning, "But that doesn't mean I won't kill you!"

"Is there nothing I can do to help you out here?"

"Unless you kill the Il-Re for me, I don't see how you could." Hiroki said, taking a knife from under his bed.

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki breathed. He thought Hiroki had gotten rid of that.

"Do you remember this old thing?" the professor seemed lost inside his own little world. "He gave this to me… He said I could have it if I held his hand…"

"Hiro-san? Have you been sniffing glue again?"

It was no use. The man was somewhere else, thinking of a place he hadn't seen since his childhood.

"Kamijou-Sama?" Asahina asked, knocking lightly.

"Coming," he said, grabbing his coat and hurrying out.

Nowaki was left behind in the apartment, wondering what he should do. The best thing that to ever happen to him just walked out on him. Walking to his deathbed, no doubt. And Nowaki had no way of stopping it. The worst part was that nothing else could explain this strange behavior and weird obsession with shiny objects except the drugs Nowaki had begun slipping him. He'd wanted to test the 'date rape' drug to see if he really could sleep with Hiro-san without the professor knowing it in the morning. The next day, Hiroki probably wouldn't know where he was...

Nowaki had to save him.

-/-

**Again, spoof of another series I have. If you'd like to see me making fun of myself some more, leave me a comment and I'll see what I can do. (:**

*I know 'man and woman' reads/flows better but I prefer to name the superior class first. ;)  
*For those unfamiliar with TnC. (Think **The Hunger Games**meets anime.) It takes place in future Japan after a World War. It was broken into two countries with a city in between called Toshima which was once Japan's capital city, aka Tokyo. Toshima was taken over by a drug-lord basically and is where the Igra is held. Igra is a 'game' people come to Toshima to play in which you are given 5 dog-tags. You fight other players and get their dog-tag when you win. (You win by either getting the other person on their back or murdering them. However, it seems men in this anime have a thing for raping either other before murder. Why? Because it's a BL game, silly. It doesn't have to make sense!) On the tags are playing cards. (Examples: king of hearts, ace of spades.) You collect these until you get a Royal Flush which you use to challenge the Il-Re. Il-Re is basically the master of the game.


	21. Social Networking

_I'm sorry this is so short! I just felt the need to update plus, updates have been slow due to issues at home. I'm sure you all understand._

_**Social Network:**_

-/-

Misaki returned from Uni in a good mood. His literature professor had missed work, so his boss You-Sensei had filled in. Students were anxious at first, wondering what type of monster could have hired Kamijou. However, Professor You turned out to be the complete opposite. He was funny and didn't even assign them an essay or reading. Many students began considering another year of Literature, just so they could take his class.

Usagi-san wasn't home when he got back. Although there was a note on the counter that told him Usami was at a meeting with his publishers. Misaki figured it would be a couple hours before he returned since he probably skipped an early morning meeting.

Not having any assignments for once and not having to cook immediately, Misaki borrowed Usami's laptop. His lover had offered to buy him his own, but he always refused. He didn't get online very often, besides Usami already spent tons of money on him.

He logged onto facebook, still not sure why everyone loved it so much. It was fine once in a awhile, though he'd rather talk to someone face-to-face. Writing on walls was pretty silly too.

He groaned when he saw the forty-some notifications plus the twenty-four people requesting to be his friend. Half of them, he barely knew. The other half was divided into two groups: the people he couldn't stand and the people he didn't know. But, Misaki didn't like saying no to people. If they wanted to be his friend online, maybe they truly wanted to be his friend in real life. They might just be shy or too embarrassed to talk to him because of stupid Usagi-san always picking him up in that damned car…

He added everyone who'd requested friendship, even the ones he didn't know. Next, he moved to his notifications. He hoped the group Todou and he had formed got some new members… There had to be other men out there who read The Kan!

Unfortunately, it was mostly Aikawa writing on his wall to make Usami do his work. Plus, he kept getting 'poked' by Usagi-san who sent him a relationship request every time he denied one. Takahiro was starting to catch on even though Misaki kept saying Usami thought of them as family and it was family relationships he was denying. He was going to have to force the writer to stop doing that, even if it meant having to do something nasty.

A chat message popped up. It was from Mizaki who wanted to know if he'd gotten a job yet. Misaki ignored it and changed his online status. He went back to the home page and 'liked' Sandwiches and comment on a couple of statuses before he can across Shinobu's, a boy who went to a nearby college and whom he had befriended at a Yaoi 12-Step gone wrong. It seemed his father had walked in on him and boyfriend. Strangely enough, he noticed that a Kamijou Hiroki had liked the post. Surely, it couldn't be his professor! It had to be some sort of coincidence! Although, after clicking on the name and viewing his profile, Misaki had to admit that he looked like his professor.

Must be a brother. There's no way the devil has two-hundred more friends than me!

"Misaki," someone called from the next room.

The boy nearly jumped. He hadn't heard the door open or else he would have hidden the laptop before Usami appeared in the doorway.

"What have you been up to?" the writer asked, smirking, "Looking at doujins of us?"

"Of course not!" Misaki yelled, still angry that he'd been made into one of Usami's porno characters. He'd already seen way more than he needed to of the series' fanfiction.

"You know, if you're not going to let me buy you a laptop, you could at least pay me back for wherever you use it."

"Bad Usagi-san! Hands to yourself!"

-/-

Misaki fell asleep much earlier than Usami had intended. However, he was wide awake. Getting up, careful not to wake Misaki, Akihiko wandered back downstairs to find his computer. He figured he could get a little bit of writing in before calling it a night.

Of course, he couldn't help being slightly curious to what sites Misaki had visited. He clicked his history button and saw that only Facebook had been opened… And Misaki hadn't logged out? A smile stretched across the author's face.

The next evening, Takahiro called. He said he wanted his brother back. Usami, not about to let his lover be taken, replied, "Screw you, you breeder scum!"

-/-

**Don't worry, I have more ideas. This was just something I wanted to get out. (: **


	22. Trouble with Triplets

_Wha~ It's been so long! Too long! I apologize majorly! (I need an Aikawa to keep me in line… Anyone want the job?) Anyway, here's a mpreg-spoof. (Because I hate JR mpreg. Lol)(And because I'm in a lovey mood. Lol)_

**The Trouble with Triplets: Part 1**

_**~Egoist~**_

"Nowaki, this doesn't make any sense. I mean… I'm a guy." Hiroki had been having a rough couple of months. His man-period had finally vanished, which he'd hoped was because of his recent engagement, but he was still PSMing at students… And it'd gotten worse. Even his relationship with Miyagi had become strained… Not that it hadn't been to begin with.

"You know, Hiro-san, stranger things have happened." Nowaki replied, putting a loving arm around his soon-to-be husband.

"Yeah but… children?" Hiroki shook his head. It was just too weird.

"Hey, didn't the same thing happen to that writer friend of yours?"

~_**Romantica**_~

"Usagi-san!" Misaki screamed, "Taki is missing!"

It wasn't the first time that Misaki had returned home from work, only to find Usami writing and their son Taki is some sort of near-death crisis. And did Usami-san notice? No.

The door to Akihiko's office opened and the silver haired writer stepped out. "So? Why don't you find him?"

"Why haven't you noticed? He five years old! He could have been kid-napped!"

"They'll bring him back, trust me."

"USAGI-SAN!" Misaki screamed, in the way only an uke could scream.

"Alright fine, what do you want me to do?" Akihiko asked, searching one of his pockets for a cigarette. He was going to need it.

"Just… Just help me look for him, okay?" Misaki said, "Look around up there, I'll check the Bear-Room."

Sometimes, he wondered if Usami just didn't care about their son. It was wrong, very wrong. But Misaki couldn't help but wonder… Though, every once in awhile, he'd catch the writer reading him a story or trying to cook for the boy… And then there was the time Usami offered the boy his cigarette…

Usami just wasn't good with children, Misaki reasoned. Not to mention, he was overly jealous at times. But, there was part of him that truly did care about Taki… Regardless of the fact that he was clueless when it came to raising a child.

"M-Misaki! Come quickly!"

Misaki was there in an instant, wondering what type of peril the child was in. However, he didn't look like he was in any type of danger at first. He was sitting in Misaki's bedroom, reading a book. It wasn't until Misaki noticed the cover that he began to worry.

He pulled the novel from the brunette child's hands. "Where did you find this?" he asked, angry to hell that Usami had just left the book lying around.

"I-I…" Taki began, not meeting his father's eyes. He knew he was in trouble, though he probably hadn't understood a word of what he was reading.

"You aren't in trouble, but can you please tell daddy where you found this book?"

"In Mommy's bedroom." He replied, innocently, looking up at Usami.

Strange as it was, their son referred to Usagi as 'mommy' and to Misaki as 'daddy.' Perhaps it was because Usami had given birth it him. Misaki couldn't think of any other reason. After all, he'd only ever topped once… And according to Usami that'd been a "mistake" they wouldn't be repeating.

~_**Egoist**_~

"True," Hiroki said, though he still wasn't very keen on the idea of raising children. He met Nowaki's eyes, "Do you really want to have this child?"

Nowaki's face blanked for a moment. What was Hiro-san saying? Nowaki loved the idea of becoming a father. He wanted to feel like he had an actual family. Not that Hiro-son wasn't enough… Nowaki just… He was just envious of the family-life so many of his friends had. He wanted to have that with Hiroki.

"It's your choice, Hiro-san. I'm not saying I want that, I'd love the chance to raise a child with you, but if you don't think-"

"It's just… weird." Hiroki said, looking down at his belly, "I mean, we're both guys."

"When has that ever stopped us?"

"Well, when that brat Miyagi's with got knocked-up, they choose abortion…"

**~Terrorist~**

"Miyagi," Shinobu started as soon as Miyagi entered their shared apartment. Miyagi wasn't surprised to see, nor was he surprised when Shinobu had randomly gone missing for a few days. This happened often enough that coming home to an empty house wasn't uncommon. Not that he wasn't worried, and not that he wasn't happy to see him, it was just a regular thing.

"Hey brat," he replied, smiling.

"There's something I think we need to talk about." The blonde said, his gaze dropping. In a normal relationship, this would have been bad. If he'd been with anyone else, Miyagi would have feared what those words meant. But this was Shinobu, a male seventeen years younger than himself and his boss's son. Not to mention baby-brother of his ex-wife. He would not be surprised when Shinobu dumped him. There were already so many things wrong with their relationship that he'd come to accept the idea that this talk would come.

Trying to hide his hurt, Miyagi sat down across from the teen, nodding.

"I'm… Well, I think I… It's like this… Well… You aren't going to believe it but… I think," suddenly sounding more sure of himself, "I think I'm pregnant."

Miyagi You's mouth dropped. That was… unexpected.

"And why, may I ask, do you think that?"

Shinobu shrugged, "Well, a couple weeks ago the college was offering free STD screenings. I got one, just like everyone else and they called telling me that I didn't have any viruses, but that I was expecting. The nurse thought she'd made a mistake when she found out S. Takatsuki was a male. I thought it was just a mistake too, but then I noticed that I've been gaining a lot of weight. And don't pretend you haven't noticed either!"

"Shinobu, this might possibly be the most insane thing I've ever heard from you. No, actually this made just be the craziest thing I've heard period."

"I'm not kidding! I'm seriously worried about this!"

"You're crazy!"

"Miyagi!" Shinobu couldn't help slamming his fist down on their coffee table. He couldn't believe Miyagi was acting this way. Sure, he knew it was insane. But couldn't Miyagi even try to be understanding?

"Look, if you're worried, we can go get you checked out tomorrow. I'm sure there's nothing wrong and that you're just over-reacting to things but we'll go. Now, can we just go to bed and pretend this conversation didn't happen?"

Shinobu would have protested, but he'd read that sex was good while you were expecting and happily stripped naked and got into bed. Unfortunately, Miyagi had only meant he wanted to go to sleep and nothing happened.

_~Next Day~_

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Nope," Tsumori, one of the doctors in training, who apparently often helped with children, "He's got a bun in the oven."

"See, I told you." Shinobu said, crossing his arms.

"But… But that's impossible!"

"Well, not exactly," the intern told him, "I mean, there have been cases of this."

"And where the fuck is the baby growing?"

"In his prostate, of course."

"What?"

"Well, you see it's hormones that decide the function of our organs. A prostate is just like a uterus, it just functions differently because of Shinobu's sex."

"Oh, we have plenty of that." The blonde haired demon teased.

"I meant your gender. Somehow, it makes sense that your prostate could suddenly become mutated and change it's form and function. You see, this is what the sifi-channel, and yaoi fangirls, would call 'science.' It makes sense when you use a ton of big words, but really, you're just a mutant."

"I'm not going to start growing blue fur or suddenly have blades shoot out of my knuckles, right?"

"No, of course not. That's only mutates in the movies. In real life, you're just considered a freak."

"Dammit."

"Yes, I know. Just like how being a nudist makes people hate me, but if I were a fictional character, they'd love me."

"Hold on, the yaoi-fangirls know about this stuff?" Miyagi asked, an idea suddenly striking him.

"Yes, of course. They're the ones who invited 'mpreg.'"

Of course. The yaoi fangirls. Miyagi just had to go to them for help. Surely, they'd know what to do! And he knew just where to find them!

The drive to the "Yaoi-Temple" was quiet. Miyagi was nervous about taking Shinobu there in the condition he was in, however luckily the boy seemed content with staying in the car. Good thing too. Miyagi wasn't sure he wanted Shinobu around these types.

"I'd like to see the High Priestess," he said to the first girl he saw.

The blonde smiled at him, a little nervous and shy. She led him through the temple, past large groups of gawking teenage girls. A few he recognized from his last visit. Hadn't one been named Star? Maybe. He didn't really remember, nor did he really care.

"Aikawa-san," the girl said, "there's someone here to see you."

The woman smiled up at Miyagi, remembering his face if not his name.

"Welcome, my child." She greeted him, "You have troubles?"

"Yes," he answered, though it hadn't really been a question.

"Do tell?"

"I want to know what 'mpreg' is, and what I can do to stop it?"

She laughed, as did everyone within hearing range. "Child, 'mpreg' is when a man gets pregnant. Often times, the man is in a gay relationship with someone."

"Yes, that much I think I've figured out. But I want to know more… At the very least, I want to stop it!"

"You can't!" the redhead laughed, "You can't stop girls from wanting to write about their favorite bishies raising children together!"

Miyagi glared at her, "Oh, I'll stop it. Just you wait." With that, he turned and walked out.

**~NS~**

**Well? What do you guys think? (Like my new formatting? Lol. I like it.)  
Part 2 coming soon, darlings! Chuu~**


	23. Farewell

**I'm sorry to have not updated in so long. I know not all of you know this, but I've been sick for a very long time and now, I've found out that I'm dying. I'll be marking this 'completed' although a lot of my stories may not be completed and you're all free to adopt them. Good bye and love from Rhiannon, aka Nowaki Star**


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